by Brandon
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I’m about to share with you four powerful secrets about how save a relationship with your boyfriend even if he wants out.
I’m going to show you how to get the love, respect, trust and appreciation you deserve from your boyfriend or husband.
I’ve shared my tips and secrets with thousands of women around the world. Secrets about how men think and feel, why men do things like pull away or shut down… and what a woman can do to spark deep levels of love and affection, and commitment in her boyfriend.
What I’ve learn after coaching students from students to surgeons is that no matter what walk of life you’re from, men can cause pain and frustration if you don’t handle them properly.
When you’re with a man who stops appreciating you and starts acting like a jackass…
That’s about the time that most women give up and lose at love and start asking the question “what am I doing so wrong? How do I save this relationship?”
If you’re like the many women I’ve coached over the years, you’ve experienced this.
But fortunately I have good news for you today.
After years of investigating relationship dynamics and meeting with many experts about saving relationships, I’ve found that 99% of bad situations with men can be turned around even when your man wants out.
You can get more love, affection and intimacy from your boyfriend or husband than you thought possible… and have your dream relationship if you know these secrets and apply them.
It’s actually simple to do just by making a few adjustments to the way you approach your boyfriend and the relationship.
Unfortunately, most women will never know how to save their relationships.
Look. Men start acting stupid for specific reasons.
And if you understand why men fall out of love, lose interest or become cold, you can learn how to get the love, attention, connection and admiration back that you’re currently not getting.
After years coaching many different women, I discovered a mistake most women make that stops them cold from even starting to know how to save a relationship.
But this mistake leads men to feel misunderstood and frustrated… which causes them to pull away, lose attraction and even fall out of love and start acting like jackasses.
I’m willing to bet you are doing it too.
If you stop doing this you can then learn how to save your relationship and REVERSE the damage with in your relationship with your boyfriend or husband. You will see instant positive changes in his energy towards you.
The mistake is most women tend to assume that men think about and experience love, attraction and relationships the same way they do as women.
Most women value things like openness, affection, intimacy, sharing, connection, commitment and security in relationships.
These are all fantastic things. The problem is men tend to prioritize differently in relationships.
Somethings most men value are things like unpredictability, independence, respect and challenge.
This (helps) explains the caveman fascination with fast cars, football and video games…
Do you see a pattern here?
Most men secretly hope to have a girlfriend who is unpredictable, independent, who they respect and who will challenge them to grow to the next level of their personal evolution.
The take away? Most guys hope to have a girlfriend who understands him.
When men end up unfulfilled because of a simple misunderstanding, things can unravel quickly.
Then you will see your boyfriend:
Really, you deserve much, much better than this!
If you are make the wrong assumptions about how men “should” be… not how they actually are, chances are you’ll run into big problems.
If you aren’t fulfilling what men need at their core, you’re going to find that guys pull away, shut down and lose interest in you.
You just need to learn how to properly challenge men, be unpredictable, and learn what causes a man to RESPECT a woman.
I get asked all the time by women wanting to know how to save their relationships and marriages this question:
“Brandon, why do men get into relationship and then lose interest and fall out of love?”
In almost every case, it’s 100% possible to stop a man from losing attraction, save the relationship and make him feel deep love, respect and attraction for you again.
One huge challenge that causes many women to lose love, attraction and a strong bond with men is they simply don’t understand men’s love and attraction mechanisms.
This has a lot to do with what women are told as girls about how men are “supposed” to be.
The old notion that men “only want one thing” has been passed over, and today we know that men have a deep, widely misunderstood complexity.
If you’re neglecting his needs and emotions as a man, you’re bound to see him lose attraction, act distant and even fall out of love.
The trick to saving a relationship is to understand what he truly needs, not what you think he needs.
Where the fog gets thicker is what men say they want and what men actually respond to emotionally are often completely different things.
A man may say he wants a big breasted skinny blonde… It’s hard to imagine that man has actually landed on the moon.
But the truth, is he may be far more happy and in love with a more or less “average” women if she pushes the right emotional buttons in him.
What are those women doing that most others aren’t?
Men can be insensitive assholes… but if you learn what men universally need at their emotional core to feel satisfied by a woman, you can save a relationship situation.
At the end of this article, I’ll explain how you can get my detailed secrets on male psychology for free.
Television, romance novels, gossip magazines, and other women have done a fantastic job at royally confusing most women on how to save a relationship.
Women are more confused about men and love than ever, and more than ever women are asking “what the hell do men want?”
Men don’t behave, think or respond to the things that most people SAY they do.
What I’ve found after years of sifting through misinformation on men is that most “advice” out there is either outdated or inaccurate.
How do men really feel about love and relationships?
After years of talking with guys on the subject, I’ve come to some answers.
In fact, most men want to find one woman who they can spend their life with and be in love with forever.
The problem is… many men aren’t finding the type of woman that truly inspire them.
How you save a relationship is by bringing forth those qualities that initially inspired your man to be with you in the first place.
Go on for too long in terrible circumstances in their relationships without getting real help.
They’re not getting the love, affection, connection, intimacy and romance they DESERVE and are going through a very painful, dark, confusing nightmare alone.
I offer a completely free Relationship Advice and Male Psychology eLetter eLetter, and I’d like you to sign up today to start getting my most powerful secrets about men and relationships and save your relationship.
Just enter your first name, a valid email, click the “Get Free Advice!” button and you’re in.
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Turn things around today. Your love life depends on it.
The “Great Wall of China” has nothing on the wall a man can surround himself with when it comes to communication in relationships.
Why is it so difficult to communicate with a man in a relationship… on a psychological, emotional and even physical level?
How do you get him to listen to your feelings? And get him telling you his feelings and connect on a deeper, spiritual, “us against the world” level?
Are most men just broken in this department?
The answer is… not most.
But seriously…
Most men are perfectly capable of communicating in a relationship…they just decide not to.
One reason why relationship communication stops (or never starts) has a lot to do with a man’s past relationship experiences.
But there’s another special thing most women fail to make happen when creating communication lines with a man.
We’ll talk about that in a second.
Here’s the reality if your man is not communicating in your relationship.
If he is not communicating and opening up with you, you could lose him.
It has little to do with something going on outside of the relationship.
It’s not because of his job or his friends or family or anything else going on in his life.
Usually when a man is not open or communicating in a relationship, it’s a sign of something going on inside the relationship.
Nine times out of ten it has to with this special ingredient that most women don’t know how to create in a relationship.
That ingredient is emotional trust.
When I say “trust”, I don’t mean your fidelity.
The literal translation of the word trust is reliance on the integrity, strength, ability of a person or thing (pulled from dictionary.com).
Now, let me ask you a few questions, and try to be really honest with yourself.
Do you ever get overly-emotional, upset or needy with him?
Have you ever demanded things of him?
Do you feel the desire to control your relationship… that things will fall apart if you don’t?
Can you truly say that your man feels a deep sense of reliability in your integrity, strength and ability to handle him?
Does he honestly believe that he could reveal his deepest darkest secrets to you and nothing would happen to the relationship except that a deeper connection would form with you?
These are tough questions to answers.
We both know that you would absolutely, without thought, be his “rock”, but does he know that?
Communication in relationships goes both way.
Chances are, if he’s not communicating with you in the relationship, then the answer is “no”.
Where most women go wrong is assuming that he “should” just know that because she loves him.
But more often than not, men are not what you would call “mind readers”.
And they’re usually not relationship communication experts either…
In fact, most men can be a pretty dense.
Truth is, most women never learn HOW to communicate in relationships or demonstrate their trustworthiness to a man in a way that he understands and opens up.
The way MEN understand communication in relationships is much different than woman.
You have to talk to a man like a man, or he won’t get your messages.
You do that by understanding male psychology, emotions and heart.
If your man isn’t communicating openly in the relationship with you, then it’s time to start building trust with your man (before it’s too late) by understanding his PSYCHOLOGY.
A distant, non-communicative boyfriend is a sign that a relationship is in danger and quick actions is needed.
The question is, how do you make a man trust you so much so that he WANTS to communicate in the relationship openly, and even allowing himself to unleash his “inner dork” with you?
The “trick” is to create an atmosphere of trust with him so that he feels absolutely SAFE being around you.
When your man has a DEEP level of for trust for you, he will open up to you on his own.
When he starts communicating with you, you have to be ready to talk with him the right way so that he continues to open up and even deeper.
If you handle a man’s truth in the wrong way like most women do, you risk slamming the door shut on his communication for good.
No matter how much both you and I know that you’re a trustworthy person deep down, it’s more about communicating this to him in the right way so that he understands.
You must learn how to bridge your “female world” with his male world.
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To learn more tips and secrets about communication in relationships, building trust, creating a deep level of intimacy to where he literally can’t stop loving you, sign up to receive my free “Male Psychology Secrets Report”.
It is completely free, and all you have to do is fill in your name and a valid email address to get it sent to you right now.
So you have a controlling boyfriend and you’ve read “Is He Controlling Me?” Signs of a Controlling Boyfriend and now you’re ready to learn how to get him to STOP controlling you.
How do you get a controlling man, so controlling that it boils your insides, to give you as much freedom as you want and STILL give you attention, love and respect?
I’m about to show you a simple 3 step process to help reverse a man’s possessiveness, but KEEP his love and attention… while helping to set him up to be the perfect MAN for you.
The question, how do you get a man to stop being so controlling and domineering?
Very carefully!
I’ve helped many women overcome this obstacle with men.
The first thing you must understand is that when a man is possessive, really he is very insecure and distrustful… let’s just say he’s been more “emotionally stable” in other times in his life.
I want you to take all of that anger, frustration and fear that you probably have towards him right now and be more COMPASSIONATE towards him and see things through HIS eyes.
You have every right to be angry and frustrated, but anger is not going give you a perfect relationship.
So, getting this man to stop controlling is like coaxing a wild bucking bull into calming down.
But the more you understand the bull and it’s motivations, the more successful you will be in getting that bull to trust you, respect you, and allow you to be free.
When you’re dealing with insecurity and a lack of trust in a man, you must approach him in a specific way.
So the first thing is…
What most women do when a man becomes controlling is become resent, frustrated, sad, and angry at him for controlling her… and I’m not saying women don’t have every right to be angry.
But the problem is this is the opposite of what will get him to become balanced, trust and respect you and ultimately give you freedom.
Most women don’t RESPECT themselves enough to not put up with a situation like this and will let it drag on for a long period of time.
What works that most women never think of because of the sheer amounts of emotion they are feeling is to love him unconditionally and give HIM his freedom. I know this isn’t what you were probably expecting or want to hear, so let me explain.
When a man is possessive and controlling, it can make a woman pissed off, get upset and bring a lot of pain and confusion to her.
But what happens when a women is in this negative emotional state, instead of a compassionate state, is she can often make themselves a target for being controlled.
Like attracts like, and just as his controlling has brought negative emotional energy out of you, you are at the same time helping him to distrust more and feel more insecure by your negative emotional state.
Why?
Because when a woman goes into a negative emotional state in a relationship, her actions mirror that emotional state.
What many women start doing when they are in a controlling situation is first go through a period of sadness and confusion but then get angry and try to make him feel the same things that she is feeling and make him feel hurt or guilty for what he is doing.
Men can be real assholes, especially when they become controlling jerks, but the problem is this simply is the wrong direction to take if you want to heal this situation.
Often times when I’m doing phone coaching sessions, women don’t believe me at first when I say their energy is helping to create the situation.
It’s hard for them to buy.
But their mind changes when I ask them to think about this: If you’re angry at a wild bull and start attacking it, do you think you’re going to calm him down or make him more angry?
Do you see what I mean?
Possessiveness in a man is a very primal reaction when he feels a loss of control.
It’s something men do when they feel insecure about their girlfriend staying loyal in a relationship.
So you must change your energy from anger to something else that will actually motivate him to loosen his grips.
If your energy is in anger, he will only want to control you more and will get more angry.
If instead you do the opposite: stop, take a deep breath, and start looking for solutions instead of reacting emotionally, you will already be halfway home to healing this control issue… and it can be healed easily if you make this your foundation.
And the solution is ultimately to have compassion for his insecurity and self-respect.
If you can start to put your energy into compassion instead of anger, it will make things much easier.
I’ve seen this one simple step change many men instantly.
And if you accept him fully, he will begin to make steps to accept YOU fully and your needs.
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Have you ever gotten with a man you met, maybe you even slept with him, and you thought he was going to be a great boyfriend…but then he said something like “I’m not interested in a relationship right now.”
You didn’t know what to do or exactly how to feel, but you found yourself calling him often and feeling needy… then what you feared most happen: he pulled away from you and cut communication with you, and you never heard from him again?
Why did this happen?
You may not have suspected what caused it, but what caused him to withdraw completely was your unacceptable of him not wanting a relationship.
When he said “I’m not interested in a relationship” you might have reacted negatively and your feeling were hurt.
And I’m guessing that when he felt you feel that fear and resistance, that was the moment he knew for sure you weren’t “girlfriend material”, because men want a girl who can be cool with his needs and desires.
Chances are that same man was with another woman very shortly afterward, but this time he was asking her for a relationship…and it had nothing to do with age, physical attractiveness or even life circumstances.
What did she do that you didn’t?
And what does this have to do with a controlling man?
Because there’s an exact correlation to draw.
Simple fact: the more you resist a man you’re in a relationship with the more he’s going to act negatively towards you. It doesn’t matter if he’s controlling or not…. this is the bottom line.
And remember I’m not saying you don’t have a good reason, but there is no reason in the world good enough to allow you to feel negative and get what you want at the same time, because those negative emotions are going to keep you from getting what you want.
How your feelings affect the control situation is he’s going to feel like you’re slipping out of his grasp and begin making more attempts to control you.
Not good.
What to do?
I have a solution for you, but it’s going to take a lot of trust on your part to pull off, trust in me, trust in your boyfriend and mostly trust in yourself.
The answer is to go WITH the flow instead of against it. Don’t try to swim upstream because you will only get more exhausted, disheartened and get NOWHERE.
When you are AGAINST something, you often STRENGTHEN it.
For instance, have you ever been in a fight with a man where he was resisting your point of view vehemently, and you were resisting his and the fight elevated?
If one person were to bring compassion and understand into the fight and see it from the other’s perspective, the whole fight would immediately vanish… not only that, but then he would be 100 times more receptive to actually listening to YOUR perspective.
And by going with it, you’re NOT “giving in” to his control.
In fact, once again you’re making another step to prepare the ground for change.
In love, usually if we move in the OPPOSITE direction of what we think will work to actually get what we want.
One of the greatest minds the world has ever seen, Albert Einstein, once said “Any fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius – and a lot of courage – to move in the opposite direction”.
You will be surprised how quickly he will begin to trust you and lets go and starts to become “Mr. Right”.
By the way, this isn’t just a useful perspective for a controlling situation… this is a “holistic” perspective and should be at the foundation of all of your relationship engagements.
Most men control because they subconsciously don’t trust their girlfriends.
So he will try to control you because he doesn’t TRUST you.
Sometimes his mistrust is based on his current relationship but also can have been created from past relationships, or even his mother.
More often it’s a combination of all three of these. One thing most women overlook is to earn his trust.
Yes, it’s that simple!
Most women think that when they get into a relationship with a man, they are entitled to his trust.
I’m not saying you aren’t trustworthy – only you know that for sure – but controlling men need trust.
Instead, many women actually break down the trust more by playing games and being dishonest because they feel afraid or upset at the situation.
Unfortunately this makes the situation far worse.
The thing is, on a subconscious level we KNOW when someones is being dishonest even if consciously we appear to not.
Trust and respect are an unconscious phenomenon. The more a person deceives another, the more that person’s trust will be broken.
If you don’t take active steps to earn and establish trust, he won’t let up. And if he IS being controlling, you haven’t earned his trust and respect enough for him to let you make your own decisions, and you are possibly doing things to AMPLIFY the situation.
How you build respect is by respecting YOURSELF.
Now listen, this isn’t your fault.
He’s grown up under different circumstances than you and has had different experiences with love and relationships. But if you want this relationship and you love him, it’s up to you to make things change, because he’s not going to.
It’s unpredictable to rely on him to change things right now without you getting the ball rolling.
Look, when he starts to trusts and respect you, he WILL let off. Not only will he let off…but he will find it a lot easier to get truly INTIMATE with you rather than holding back like he might be doing right now.
If you follow this basic three step process and use it on a daily basis, you WILL see things start to improve.
I’m not going to get into tips and “techniques” today because they’re probably going to trip you up and get in your way and I want to keep things simple.
If you would like to get more in-depth relationship advice, then you need to sign up for my 100% free Male Psychology & Relationship Advice eLetter.
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– Why most women fail with love, and what you can do differently to succeed where most women don’t
– Why men pull away or shut down in a relationship, and how to quickly spark his connection back
– The subtle mistakes most women make with men that cause a relationship to fail, and how to avoid them.
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If you read my Relationship Advice Articles, you know that I tend not to go down the direction of games, ploys, manipulation or “tricks”.
The truth is I like to make things really difficult for you…
But seriously there’s a very deliberate reason why I do this.
To heal your love life and relationship, you must first heal YOU.
To make a man attracted to you, you must first become attractive.
Let me explain.
(more…)
There are different levels that men and women go through on their relationship journeys.
In my experience, there are specifically three levels.
The 1st level This is a stage of being “controlled” by pure emotions, lust, anger, confusion, and unconsciousness. It is when we are driven by sex. They have no idea what’s going on and are just being pushed and pulled by the tides of what comes to them in their love lives.
They’re simply following the yearnings in different parts of the body, the same way that animals do. They see sex all over T.V. and resonate with it. This person’s entire life revolves around sex in one way or another, whether it’s sex, validation, looking beautiful etc. Things like honor, loyalty and trust and not found at this level. This is where 55% of people sit.
The 2nd level is when people fall in love. But they’re so used to the first stage that now they have no idea what to do. Now that they have light shined upon their love life circumstances, they panic a little. There is more than they thought. They look for help. They type in “dating tips” in Google and find something that will begin to help them with their love life situation, they order a subscription to Cosmo. Anything goes at this level and people are desperate. Anything that is going to help a guy or a girl get the upper hand in the dating/relationship life is for the taking, no matter if it involves lying or manipulating to keep whatever it is they have going. This is around 35% of people.
The 3rd level is where we start to grow out of the obsession for lust and power in relationships. We begin to become conscious of our desires in a relationships and we become loving without any effort. Secrets are allowed to come out into the open. There is no worry. We understand the problems we face are not about the other person, it’s more about our own inner drives, desires, obsessions and uncontrollable feverish mind. Where as the prior stages we had no idea why we even wanted to take control of our love lives, now we have an understanding.
If you take apart that word understand you have under – stand. It means you have conquered whatever it is you were confused about before and now you stand over it, conquered, and that which is conquered is understood. The third stage is around 10% of people by the way.
This last stage is where I want to bring you to. I don’t want to bring you to be an idiot jockeying for power in a relationship.
You only power struggle because you have no self-power.
People who are powerful in themselves do not struggle for power because they already know they have it. What need is there to prove it? I want to pull you out of that icky goo, because that is where relationships thrive.
It’s disappointing to me to see just how many relationships are just stuck power struggle. They argue about the smallest things. They’ll argue about how much change they dropped on the ground to when color their shirt really is blah blah blah.
They’re arguing because they have no sense of self-power. Those who are powerful in themselves have no need to argue even if they feel someone is wrong about something. They have an ability to allow other to speak their mind and have it not be anything to do with them if it is to the contrary of their beliefs. They are accepting of the other’s opinions.
The third level understands the lower two levels because the third level has experienced them, but the lower levels do not understand the third level. They have no experience with it, so they can’t even see it. If you have never seen the color red, there is no way that anyone could ever tell you what it is until you see it for yourself. Those in the lower levels get upset at those in the third level. They are jealous and insecure mostly, but it can come off as anger and hatred. Unhappy people are very jealous of happy people.
They do everything they can to take a shot and lower that person. When an unhappy person witnesses a happy person, all of the insecurities arise. They start feeling hopeless, sad, jealous and then a lot of the time they displace all of that anxiety into anger and hatred.
Jealousy often appears as anger. It’s seen as weak to be jealous of Paris Hilton, but it’s seen as powerful to be angry at her and call her stupid, annoying or an idiot. Once again the power struggle continues. And get this, because those in the nightmare of the 1st level are the majority, they form a mob mentality.
Us humans are heavily influenced by social pressure. If one person says we should become happy but 50 tell us to come to the bar to have a smoke and a drink, most will go have a smoke and a drink even if it compromises their integrity, health and happiness! And if we see one person with the value of 50 people because they have 50 people who adore them, we see them on TV etc. we will take their word more seriously.
TV, media, parents, talk shows, peers all unconsciously aim to keep you in the first two levels.
The world doesn’t like people in control of themselves. If you are a master, then who will buy the Cosmos? Who will buy the $22 billion worth of makeup every year to mask those insecurities (raw foods is the greatest cosmetics in the entire world)? Who would Dr. Phil sell his books to?
It’s sad, but the world operates on our weaknesses, powerlessness and faults. The world is like a vampire: it THRIVES sucking the willpower out of people.
But this is not the truth of who we are. We are only hypnotized by the world. The world suggests to us that makeup will make us feel more confident and so we sell our self-power for it. All you need to do is drill down a little deeper than you’re used to and you will find that the river of power, the river of love, the river of joy is still flowing. It is always there. To get to that level 3 takes patience, love and relaxation. And there’s no rush. You can’t force yourself to get there; all you can do is allow it to happen.
All you can do is prepare the ground and throw the seeds where they need to be. You can’t force a plant to grow. All you can do is make sure that the plant is in the best environment it can be in.
Relationships take patience. When we force them, we become stressed and angry and of course we unleash that onto the other. Then the other begins building resentment and so on. Relationships take patience. Out of the patience comes relaxation, comes acceptance, comes love. Then we are exactly where we want to be…. In a relationship that is loving.
How about that!
It’s either fear or love, baby.
With honor,
Brandon
