by Brandon Martin
If you could take all the perfect body language of women who men find incredibly attractive because of their body language from across the planet and put it into one person, Paris Hilton is the closest you will come.
There have been women who have given the female sex a “better name” (like Susan B. Anthony or Angela Davis for instance), but one thing Paris Hilton can give you is beautiful body language that men find HIGHLY attractive on a gut level. It’s not something a man has to think about, it’s something that is triggered in his subconscious.
Have you ever thought about what “body language” actually is anyway, and what it has to do with sparking the emotion of attraction in a man?
So you have a controlling boyfriend and you’ve read “Is He Controlling Me?” Signs of a Controlling Boyfriend and now you’re ready to learn how to get him to STOP controlling you.
How do you get a controlling man, so controlling that it boils your insides, to give you as much freedom as you want and STILL give you attention, love and respect?
I’m about to show you a simple 3 step process to help reverse a man’s possessiveness, but KEEP his love and attention… while helping to set him up to be the perfect MAN for you.
The question, how do you get a man to stop being so controlling and domineering?
I’ve helped many women overcome this obstacle with men.
The first thing you must understand is that when a man is possessive, really he is very insecure and distrustful… let’s just say he’s been more “emotionally stable” in other times in his life.
I want you to take all of that anger, frustration and fear that you probably have towards him right now and be more COMPASSIONATE towards him and see things through HIS eyes.
You have every right to be angry and frustrated, but anger is not going give you a perfect relationship.
So, getting this man to stop controlling is like coaxing a wild bucking bull into calming down.
But the more you understand the bull and it’s motivations, the more successful you will be in getting that bull to trust you, respect you, and allow you to be free.
When you’re dealing with insecurity and a lack of trust in a man, you must approach him in a specific way.
So the first thing is…
What most women do when a man becomes controlling is become resent, frustrated, sad, and angry at him for controlling her… and I’m not saying women don’t have every right to be angry.
But the problem is this is the opposite of what will get him to become balanced, trust and respect you and ultimately give you freedom.
Most women don’t RESPECT themselves enough to not put up with a situation like this and will let it drag on for a long period of time.
What works that most women never think of because of the sheer amounts of emotion they are feeling is to love him unconditionally and give HIM his freedom. I know this isn’t what you were probably expecting or want to hear, so let me explain.
When a man is possessive and controlling, it can make a woman pissed off, get upset and bring a lot of pain and confusion to her.
But what happens when a women is in this negative emotional state, instead of a compassionate state, is she can often make themselves a target for being controlled.
Like attracts like, and just as his controlling has brought negative emotional energy out of you, you are at the same time helping him to distrust more and feel more insecure by your negative emotional state.
Because when a woman goes into a negative emotional state in a relationship, her actions mirror that emotional state.
What many women start doing when they are in a controlling situation is first go through a period of sadness and confusion but then get angry and try to make him feel the same things that she is feeling and make him feel hurt or guilty for what he is doing.
Men can be real assholes, especially when they become controlling jerks, but the problem is this simply is the wrong direction to take if you want to heal this situation.
Often times when I’m doing phone coaching sessions, women don’t believe me at first when I say their energy is helping to create the situation.
It’s hard for them to buy.
But their mind changes when I ask them to think about this: If you’re angry at a wild bull and start attacking it, do you think you’re going to calm him down or make him more angry?
Do you see what I mean?
Possessiveness in a man is a very primal reaction when he feels a loss of control.
It’s something men do when they feel insecure about their girlfriend staying loyal in a relationship.
So you must change your energy from anger to something else that will actually motivate him to loosen his grips.
If your energy is in anger, he will only want to control you more and will get more angry.
If instead you do the opposite: stop, take a deep breath, and start looking for solutions instead of reacting emotionally, you will already be halfway home to healing this control issue… and it can be healed easily if you make this your foundation.
And the solution is ultimately to have compassion for his insecurity and self-respect.
If you can start to put your energy into compassion instead of anger, it will make things much easier.
I’ve seen this one simple step change many men instantly.
And if you accept him fully, he will begin to make steps to accept YOU fully and your needs.
Have you ever gotten with a man you met, maybe you even slept with him, and you thought he was going to be a great boyfriend…but then he said something like “I’m not interested in a relationship right now.”
You didn’t know what to do or exactly how to feel, but you found yourself calling him often and feeling needy… then what you feared most happen: he pulled away from you and cut communication with you, and you never heard from him again?
Why did this happen?
You may not have suspected what caused it, but what caused him to withdraw completely was your unacceptable of him not wanting a relationship.
When he said “I’m not interested in a relationship” you might have reacted negatively and your feeling were hurt.
And I’m guessing that when he felt you feel that fear and resistance, that was the moment he knew for sure you weren’t “girlfriend material”, because men want a girl who can be cool with his needs and desires.
Chances are that same man was with another woman very shortly afterward, but this time he was asking her for a relationship…and it had nothing to do with age, physical attractiveness or even life circumstances.
What did she do that you didn’t?
And what does this have to do with a controlling man?
Because there’s an exact correlation to draw.
Simple fact: the more you resist a man you’re in a relationship with the more he’s going to act negatively towards you. It doesn’t matter if he’s controlling or not…. this is the bottom line.
And remember I’m not saying you don’t have a good reason, but there is no reason in the world good enough to allow you to feel negative and get what you want at the same time, because those negative emotions are going to keep you from getting what you want.
How your feelings affect the control situation is he’s going to feel like you’re slipping out of his grasp and begin making more attempts to control you.
What to do?
I have a solution for you, but it’s going to take a lot of trust on your part to pull off, trust in me, trust in your boyfriend and mostly trust in yourself.
The answer is to go WITH the flow instead of against it. Don’t try to swim upstream because you will only get more exhausted, disheartened and get NOWHERE.
When you are AGAINST something, you often STRENGTHEN it.
For instance, have you ever been in a fight with a man where he was resisting your point of view vehemently, and you were resisting his and the fight elevated?
If one person were to bring compassion and understand into the fight and see it from the other’s perspective, the whole fight would immediately vanish… not only that, but then he would be 100 times more receptive to actually listening to YOUR perspective.
And by going with it, you’re NOT “giving in” to his control.
In fact, once again you’re making another step to prepare the ground for change.
In love, usually if we move in the OPPOSITE direction of what we think will work to actually get what we want.
One of the greatest minds the world has ever seen, Albert Einstein, once said “Any fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius – and a lot of courage – to move in the opposite direction”.
You will be surprised how quickly he will begin to trust you and lets go and starts to become “Mr. Right”.
By the way, this isn’t just a useful perspective for a controlling situation… this is a “holistic” perspective and should be at the foundation of all of your relationship engagements.
Most men control because they subconsciously don’t trust their girlfriends.
So he will try to control you because he doesn’t TRUST you.
Sometimes his mistrust is based on his current relationship but also can have been created from past relationships, or even his mother.
More often it’s a combination of all three of these. One thing most women overlook is to earn his trust.
Yes, it’s that simple!
Most women think that when they get into a relationship with a man, they are entitled to his trust.
I’m not saying you aren’t trustworthy – only you know that for sure – but controlling men need trust.
Instead, many women actually break down the trust more by playing games and being dishonest because they feel afraid or upset at the situation.
Unfortunately this makes the situation far worse.
The thing is, on a subconscious level we KNOW when someones is being dishonest even if consciously we appear to not.
Trust and respect are an unconscious phenomenon. The more a person deceives another, the more that person’s trust will be broken.
If you don’t take active steps to earn and establish trust, he won’t let up. And if he IS being controlling, you haven’t earned his trust and respect enough for him to let you make your own decisions, and you are possibly doing things to AMPLIFY the situation.
How you build respect is by respecting YOURSELF.
Now listen, this isn’t your fault.
He’s grown up under different circumstances than you and has had different experiences with love and relationships. But if you want this relationship and you love him, it’s up to you to make things change, because he’s not going to.
It’s unpredictable to rely on him to change things right now without you getting the ball rolling.
Look, when he starts to trusts and respect you, he WILL let off. Not only will he let off…but he will find it a lot easier to get truly INTIMATE with you rather than holding back like he might be doing right now.
If you follow this basic three step process and use it on a daily basis, you WILL see things start to improve.
I’m not going to get into tips and “techniques” today because they’re probably going to trip you up and get in your way and I want to keep things simple.
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What makes men feel a woman is psychologically and emotionally irresistible?
Why do many women today experience men suddenly becoming disinterested, pulling away or shutting down… and what can you do about it?
And years researching relationship dynamics, I’ve discovered “secrets” about what makes a woman desirable and what men find irresistible, which most experts aren’t talking about.
Secrets that cause a psychic-spiritual “spark” that make men feel irresistibly attracted to a woman.
Thing is, being irresistible is not what most women think it is: youth, beauty, success or being an independent woman.
What men find irresistible is the ongoing emotional & psychic-spiritual experience a man has with you.
If you’ve had trouble keeping a guy interested, you’re likely either making one or more common mistakes that take from his emotional experience, or you’re not doing enough of the right things to create it.
It’s important that you learn how to be irresistible to men in today’s competitive dating world.
Being in the top 5% of women will change your love life and make men effortless to deal with.
Unless you understand how to be irresistible to men, you’ll likely deal with men losing interest, falling out of love or avoiding commitment. Learn about how to be irresistible to men by reading on!
Being irresistible to men has to do with the ongoing emotional & psychic-spiritual experience a man has with you.
If you’ve had trouble keeping a guy interested, you’re likely either making one or more common mistakes take from his emotional experience, or you’re not doing enough of the right things to create it.
It’s important that you learn how to be irresistible to men in today’s competitive dating world.
Being in the top 5% of women will change your love life and make men effortless to deal with.
Unless you understand how to be irresistible to men, you’ll likely deal with men losing interest, falling out of love or avoiding commitment.
Many women already believe they know what men find irresistible and what makes a woman desirable.
For example, most women believe men want a young, beautiful girlfriend.
But if this is true, why do we find so many decent guys end up with “average” looking women? Why do men find these women irresistible and not others?
I’ve discovered that most women don’t truly understand male psychology or emotions and what men find irresistible… even when they think they do.
This can lead to frustration and not getting love or interest from men because a woman is attached to an idea of what you think he wants.
Who could blame women? Men aren’t exactly “open books” about their inner world.
After years talking to guys about women, love and what men find irresistible, I discovered an odd quality that most men instantly respond to…
Men universally find child-like energy irresistibly attractive.
Most women get “burnt out” from their bad past experiences with men.
It’s tough for women in today’s dating climate, and this can cause stress, heartbreak and fear towards men.
Problem is, no matter how much you and I know this, men tend to lack feelings of interest for a woman who is afraid, stressed, or cynical.
What makes a woman attractive is childlike, playful, innocent energy. This is of the reasons why men will choose one woman over another.
A girl playing on the playground hasn’t been used, betrayed or burdened by stress yet.
She simply plays in the sand, swings on the swings and counts the grains of sand she can hold in her hand. She is alive and living in the now. That’s what men find to be irresistible in women.
I’m always amazed when I see 18-year-old girls who seem like they’re 48, and then when I see 48-year-old women who feel 18.
It’s a matter of learning what “energy” men respond to in a woman and how to make a man feel emotional attraction.
What I’ve found after observing thousands of women interact with men is that when men do stupid things like not call/text back or not give attention, many women react emotionally.
Men often do hurtful and brainless things.
Reprimanding them out of spite and hurt can cause men to pull away suddenly, act distant and cold.
Then many women find themselves in frustrating situations where they are:
Most men are dense don’t realize when they have hurt you, so these things often cause men to feel like they can’t make that woman happy.
But most men will simply see an emotional woman who they don’t know how to handle, and that scares them.
Men universally crave light-heartedness, humor and relaxation in women … ESPECIALLY when things get rough.
That’s what makes a woman desirable. Unfortunately, this is rare for men to find. Unfortunately, this is rare for men to find.
The combination of humor and light-heartedness is like a billboard mounted to a woman’s forehead that says, “I’m the one”. The combination is what makes a woman desirable to men. If you lead with a sense of humor when things don’t go well, it can instantly turn a situation around and spark emotional, irresistible attraction in men.
If you’re in a situation with a man like this, you need to learn how to reverse this and become irresistible to him before things get worse.
If you’re in a situation with a man like this, you need to learn how to reverse this and become irresistible to him before things gets worse.
When men do stupid things like getting distant, not call/text back or other hurtful things, most women let their emotions build up and lash out.
You and I know many women don’t mean to do this. But something as simple as this makes men start to lose trust, respect and attraction and distance themselves emotionally.
It took me a long time to understand that that emotions scare men and cause them to close up out of fear.
Expressing positive emotions in the right way has the power to get a man literally addicted to you.
has the power to get a man literally addicted to you. Emotional strength and independence are what men find irresistible.
Ultimately, what makes a woman desirable is emotional independence. All men secretly hope to meet a woman who adds emotional value to his life.
It just takes a meaningful readjustment of the way you approach men and relationships to be irresistible to men.
Let’s face it, many of today’s women have an A.D.D. situation going on…
But seriously, that can be cute to some guys at first. I find it hilarious and love to make light-hearted fun of women like this. But impatience can turn into unnecessary frustration and emotional aggression when things don’t happen fast enough.
What I’m talking about is relaxing more and being more open to going with the flow with him. This is the same attitude that rockstars have, and rockstars male or female are some of the most irresistible people on the planet.
What makes patience an important quality for a woman to be desirable? Because it’s RARE and sub-communicates confidence and desirability.
Here’s a clue to being irresistible to men that most women will never know.
Men are purpose and goal-oriented. Men value the vision they want to create in life above all else. It could be that he wants to start a family, travel the world, build a business… it could be anything.
The point is when a man meets a woman, he secretly hopes that she will relax with his path. If she does he will literally feel that she completes him.
Body language accounts for 55% of all communication between people, while vocal tonality accounts for 38%.
If this is true, it means… words are only 7% of all communication.
It’s possible that 93% of the signals we give socially are based on body language and vocal tonality alone.
Many women ask me “what do I say to him to make him want me?”
Instead of focusing on just 7% of communication, I’d like to suggest that you can get more leverage with men by focusing on the other 93%.
Body language is a fascinating subject to me, and I’d like to give you what I consider to be a “magic formula” for body language that subconsciously tells men you’re irresistible and you know it. Learn about body language and how to be irresistible to men:
a. The first part of the puzzle is to lead your body with your hips.
You may have mixed feelings about her (I’m not her biggest fan), but Paris Hilton is a master of this and has irresistible body language.
Walking this way conveys sexuality, confidence and feminine swagger. Simply walking like this can instantly get a respectable guy’s attention.
b. Next, consider arching your lower back to allow tension off your upper-back and shoulders.
Your shoulders can be sub-communicate many things to men. When you use them correctly, you can emulate what men find irresistible.
Hunching sub-communicates low self-confidence, which is not what many high-quality men look for.
Shoulders should be rolled back a bit as to not hide your chest (no matter the size) and to avoid hunching.
c. Raise your chin.
A chin up in the air conveys self-confidence instantly.
This will also help focus your body to stand straight up, as if you’re laying vertically on a bed.
d. Most importantly, smile!
What makes a woman desirable is a winning smile. A woman who smiles tells men on a gut level that you’re open, confident and feminine while no smile makes him wonder if you’ll be difficult to please.
This body language is irresistible to men on a subconscious level… beyond their conscious control.
When you have powerful body language, it’s as close to “magic” as it gets to seeing men respond instantly with irresistible attraction.
Are most high-quality guys really looking for “supermodel” good looks?
I’ve learned that most guys are not looking for a supermodel.
Physical attraction is created simply by a man seeing that you care about your presentation.
If a man is “talking” to you, it means he’s physically attracted enough to you to be in a relationship with you.
Beauty, healthy hair, good-looking skin, well-done makeup, healthy weight; these are the superficial things men adore.
Where many women get tripped up is believing that external beauty is everything… it is not.
Have you ever stopped to think… what is beauty?
It’s a question I like thinking about.
I believe beauty is the outward expression of femininity. men are attracted to like NOTHING else.
But it’s against femininity to be obsessed with looks, or you become an insecure rollercoaster seeking approval from men. When you chase after validation, you can’t be irresistible.
Here’s what I believe makes a woman desirable:
The fact is inner is just as important as outer.
There is a way to spark internally beautiful to men in a way that makes men respond like crazy.
You are a goal driven, intelligent woman.
I know because you’re seeking answers to this essential area of life called “love”.
However, many smart women get tripped up thinking too much… usually about the past or worrying about the future.
The problem is, getting stuck in your head kills attraction with men.
A woman who is “here now” is sharp, responsive, alive, witty and keeps a man on his toes.
Men can look into her eyes and see that she is with him here and now and not over-thinking and allow him to fall in love.
A woman who is in the “now” is completely attractive and irresistible to men.
Most men never find this woman, so when she does come, well let’s just say, have you ever heard of those stories about guys proposing after dating for three months?
There is a way to cultivate this aspect of yourself, and I believe you have this ability inside you… you just have to learn how.
Many smart women fall into this tricky trap….
Confusing neediness for love.
I’ve come to discover that neediness can disguise itself as “love”.
Let me explain…
I think we can agree that true love is when we think about the other person’s happiness before our own.
Neediness is a fixation on how our own needs are not being met.
Love is courageous and feels blissful… while neediness is fear-based and feels painful.
Many guys sense neediness the more time they spend with a girl, which can cause them to slowly pull away.
When a woman starts to get emotionally attached to a guy and hopes that he gives her more love and attention, men often pull away because this is not what men want in a girlfriend. It is far from what makes a woman desirable in their eyes.
What most men find irresistible and want is a woman who LOVES them rather than needs them.
Need is not being able to live without a man, while love is wanting him to be an addition to your life.
A woman who has the confidence to love and desire gets the love from the man she wants. Women who are overly-attached, on the other hand, will find it difficult to acquire the love they want.
It is possible to develop high levels confidence with men – this is what men find irresistible.
If you deal with neediness everyday and want to become confident and free of fear, anxiety, neediness, self-doubt or jealousy, then check out my emotional balancing tips.
Most men enjoy independence, but I’ve found that men secretly want to feel taken care of as well.
To many women this comes naturally. The problem is when men do hurtful things, many women pull back this quality out of fear, insecurity or anger.
The Indian mystic Osho once said “a man’s life is a journey to find the happiness he once felt inside the womb of his mother.” Profound stuff.
Could you imagine what would happen if you were able to make him feel the happiness he once felt in his mother’s womb?
Is it even possible?
There are ways to make him feel this way that I don’t have time to get into now (you can learn more in my products and programs).
It’s a basic female, motherly instinct to nurture.
Most guys do want a tiny bit of mommy in the woman they’re spending their time with.
But because of society, “responsibilities” and the resentment many women subconsciously feel towards men, many women end up losing touch with this part of themselves. Instead, they reprimand their man for not being able to wear the pants in the relationship.
If you’re not nurturing to a man, there’s a good chance that he will feel a level of distrust in your ability to fulfill him emotionally.
Sex is a powerful, emotionally bonding event.
And mastering the bedroom can trigger a man’s heart to open up to you and massively change how a man feels about you.
Many magazines come out with “tricks” for the bedroom.
But there’s something simpler and more effective you can do to be irresistible to men in the bedroom.
It comes down to this…
You must know how to create a relaxed environment in the bedroom. Most women create tensed environment in the bedroom by worrying about how they look or if they’re “pleasing” him.
That all you need to start making men feel irresistibly in love and attracted to you in the bedroom.
This simple shift can cause a man to feel that you are different from other girls. It’s easier than you might think to master the bedroom with men, you just have to know how and then act.
There are women who live in fear, and women who live in love.
In my experience, most women live in fear.
The list goes on.
Fear can kill a man’s attraction because men are universally drawn to women who live in love, positivity, joy, creativity.
Unfortunately, most women live in constant worry, self-judgment, guilt or anxiety due to not knowing how to get what they want from men.
On the other hand, what makes a woman desirable is choosing to love over fear. When you base your actions with men off of love-based thoughts, you act in ways that attract love from men.
A woman who sees dance, celebration and music wherever she goes is one of the most desirable qualities a woman can have.
Love is, in fact, the most powerful energy in the universe.
I’d like to ask you an obvious yet powerful question…
Why do so many women fail to make men irresistibly attracted to them?
Some women would say a lack of confidence or not being pretty enough.
Well, the truth I’ve found after coaching women around the world for over 10 years is most women aren’t irresistible to guys because they lack integrity.
Unfortunately, many women simply do whatever they think will get them the results they want… even if that means dishonest behavior or games.
Ironically, this is exactly what robs women of their power with men.
Some women feel “entitled” to act this way because of how they have been badly and unfairly treated by men in the past.
What makes a woman desirable is having admirable love-centered values.
When a man knows a woman can be swayed to dishonesty to get what she wants, he will lose trust and may leave because he knows one day, it may be him at the business end of her sword.
A woman who stands up for love and won’t play games is a beacon of light to men.
This can and often does inspire men out of their own B.S.
If you want to make a man feel ecstatic love and want to stay with only you, you must know what to avoid that makes men fall out of love, lose attraction, or want to leave.
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