by Brandon
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If you read my Relationship Advice Articles, you know that I tend not to go down the direction of games, ploys, manipulation or “tricks”.
The truth is I like to make things really difficult for you…
But seriously there’s a very deliberate reason why I do this.
To heal your love life and relationship, you must first heal YOU.
To make a man attracted to you, you must first become attractive.
Let me explain.
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I’ve seen a few “chick flicks” in my day, and while they’re good hearted, they tend to be filled with unnecessary drama… to the content of many women.
One movie, which had a particularly interesting piece of information in it was The Wedding Date, in which the guy in the movie (a high-class hooker) says in an interview with a journalist “Every woman has the exact love life she wants.” I’m not a fan of marriage, but this quote is right on ball.
What exactly does this mean?
It means that whatever your circumstance your love life faces, you are making the choice for it to be that way.
If things are not going so well, you are choosing to listen to fear and hatred.
If things are going fantastically, you are making the choice to listen to love and happiness. You are owning your own power. But whether you listen to love or fear is not the point, the point is that the decision is your’s to choose.
If you begin to pay particular attention to the circumstances in your love life, you will see that somehow, there was a choice that led you to it. It’s hard to hear, but somebody’s got to say it!
But, many women get themselves wrapped up into a victim mentality. A victim mentality is the opposite of making a choices. A victim believes that all of the choices were made for her, and a victim usually lives her problematic life enjoying it.
Women, unlike men to a large extend, feel guilty for all of their problems. Women feel somehow to blame. But this is not true! You are not guilty, you simply have not taken up the responsibility of your love life yet. And there is a VERY fine line between responsibility | guilt.
Guilt looks to the past and to what cannot be undone. Responsibility looks to the future and to what can be created with what you have available to you right now. And let me tell you that no matter how many times you have failed, there is always room to change right NOW.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but women enjoy their problems! They go out to a bar and have a round of martini’s discussing man troubles. It’s a night out. The victim mentality is everywhere and it’s always being shown to you. It’s on TV, soap operas, movies, the theater, your mom.
People are rewarded for being victims and losing at life, being pushed around by the seas rather than grabbing life by the balls and making their own choices about how they want to live.
There is great fear that once she make the choice to live by her freewill, she will no longer feel valued by others.
A woman who takes responsibility for creating her own love life has the love life she has always wanted. Checkout this blog post to learn how to get more in touch with this.
When she lives by choice, validation drops away and instead of the validation once received from others, they become jealous. Most women have crappy love lives and they want you to live it right there with them. We are all selfish and want what’s best for us.
It’s like this: 10% of people grab life by the balls and the other 90% are jealous of them, and the jealousy is disguised in disrespect, anger, insults, rudeness.
But dropping the validation of jealous wannabes for the magnificence of love and happiness is more than a fair trade off 😉
You are no one’s slave: you are a free being. This is simple truth. Even when you decide that you are a victim, still it is a choice to become a victim.
The very first thing to achieving the love life you want is to take responsibility. Nothing can come if that does not come first. Only haphazard events will come, and then you will be 40 in the blink of an eye and all of those haphazard events will cease. Then you will have to take responsibility! There will be no other choice!
A victim never gets the love life she want. A victim is always a half-hearted event. It can never be full of heart, because even she knows that she’s making the choice to fool herself.
It means that your life is your own responsibility and no chromosome, no friend and TV drama show is going to hold you back from making your own choices, and because of that, you are given tremendous power. You no longer have to stand by and watch things happen to you. You have the choice to make things happen for you.
You have the power to make your love life the way that you want it. I would not say it if I hadn’t experienced it myself.
You hold all of the marbles for your own love life. It starts with choosing to be a victim or to grab life by the balls.
With honor,
Brandon
Self-improvement happens to a woman who does not accept herself.
When she doesn't accept herself – and the non-acceptance comes from guilt – she becomes driven to improve and to become something unnatural than what she really is.
“Self-improvement is masturbation” is a quote from the movie Fight Club.
I actually didn't understand the quote for the longest time… I was too busy trying to improve!
Only when I stopped trying to improve myself and began to accept myself exactly the way I was did I realize exactly what it means.
When you want to improve upon yourself, you are dissatisfied with the way you are.
If you want to improve a house, you don’t like it the way it is. If you want to improve a car, you don’t like it the way it is. But when it comes to self improvement, not accepting yourself is a death sentence to happiness.
You start reading books and you begin to stop living life.
A heart full of love has no desire to become something else. When you are in love, love is all that is needed.
The Beatles hit the nail on the head when they wrote “All You Need is Love”.
When there is love, what possible reason would one have to improve upon it? There is none.
But many people have no love, and when love is gone there is fear.
So, the loveless and dead ego sees a necessity to improvement on the self.
A voice inside says “There's nothing inside here it scares me… Let's do something about it!”
Your logic says “I don't have it so I will go get it.”
Living life without love is like trying to drive a car without oil. There’s just metal grinding and clanking up against metal without lubrication, without something soothing to coat everything.
A car without oil is very loud. It sounds just like a jackhammer with all of the metal clanking around.
We intuitively know that feeling good and love is THE way to go, and today it seems self-improvement is the path of choice for most.
The greatest irony is that when we do accept ourselves and even to seemingly ridiculous and painful circumstances, we become what we were trying to improve to in the first place.
It doesn’t come as a result of trying to get somewhere, it comes as a result of relaxing.
Trying to get somewhere is the opposite direction of where happiness and love is.
There is no doing or trying required at all, just relaxing… just enjoying life!
Then, out of nowhere without even looking for it, love floods a person’s body like a hurricane.
It's the truest way.
You get somewhere with self-improvement, but it’s a very watered down version of the real thing… the same way that masturbation is a watered down version of passionate, experimental, 12 hour long Tantric love making.
The point of self-improvement is to be happy, but happiness can't be attained like a trophy.
It’s something that is already there inside of you and on occasion – like at a party, with a lover, riding down a rollercoaster – it gets released for some fresh air.
It's always right there in you, but guilt, fear and mindless restlessness keeps it from coming out. You need to get rid of all the “junk” you don't need in there. The inner is MORE important than the outer.
Happiness is “achieved” by getting rid of the junk that piles up rather than finding it somewhere.
Guilt, fear and the restlessness must be let go of, and when I say they must be let go of, there is no effort involved. You simply unplug the power cord. It takes energy for your body and mind to function, and how that energy is used is up to you. The energy needs your cooperation.
As soon as that happens, relaxation becomes possible, the base of love. It sweeps over one like the night sky at dusk.
When this relaxation comes, love comes. When a person is so full of love and happiness, what need is there to improve upon it? When a beautiful, attractive lover is around to have sex with, what need is there to masturbate? It’s ridiculous and unnecessary! In fact there is no desire to do so.
When you have the real thing, the false thing no longer has any value. The love and relaxation happens right then and there, right now.
With honor,
Brandon
