There are different levels that men and women go through on their relationship journeys.
In my experience, there are specifically three levels.
The 1st level This is a stage of being “controlled” by pure emotions, lust, anger, confusion, and unconsciousness. It is when we are driven by sex. They have no idea what’s going on and are just being pushed and pulled by the tides of what comes to them in their love lives.
They’re simply following the yearnings in different parts of the body, the same way that animals do. They see sex all over T.V. and resonate with it. This person’s entire life revolves around sex in one way or another, whether it’s sex, validation, looking beautiful etc. Things like honor, loyalty and trust and not found at this level. This is where 55% of people sit.
The 2nd level is when people fall in love. But they’re so used to the first stage that now they have no idea what to do. Now that they have light shined upon their love life circumstances, they panic a little. There is more than they thought. They look for help. They type in “dating tips” in Google and find something that will begin to help them with their love life situation, they order a subscription to Cosmo. Anything goes at this level and people are desperate. Anything that is going to help a guy or a girl get the upper hand in the dating/relationship life is for the taking, no matter if it involves lying or manipulating to keep whatever it is they have going. This is around 35% of people.
The 3rd level is where we start to grow out of the obsession for lust and power in relationships. We begin to become conscious of our desires in a relationships and we become loving without any effort. Secrets are allowed to come out into the open. There is no worry. We understand the problems we face are not about the other person, it’s more about our own inner drives, desires, obsessions and uncontrollable feverish mind. Where as the prior stages we had no idea why we even wanted to take control of our love lives, now we have an understanding.
If you take apart that word understand you have under – stand. It means you have conquered whatever it is you were confused about before and now you stand over it, conquered, and that which is conquered is understood. The third stage is around 10% of people by the way.
This last stage is where I want to bring you to. I don’t want to bring you to be an idiot jockeying for power in a relationship.
You only power struggle because you have no self-power.
People who are powerful in themselves do not struggle for power because they already know they have it. What need is there to prove it? I want to pull you out of that icky goo, because that is where relationships thrive.
It’s disappointing to me to see just how many relationships are just stuck power struggle. They argue about the smallest things. They’ll argue about how much change they dropped on the ground to when color their shirt really is blah blah blah.
They’re arguing because they have no sense of self-power. Those who are powerful in themselves have no need to argue even if they feel someone is wrong about something. They have an ability to allow other to speak their mind and have it not be anything to do with them if it is to the contrary of their beliefs. They are accepting of the other’s opinions.
The third level understands the lower two levels because the third level has experienced them, but the lower levels do not understand the third level. They have no experience with it, so they can’t even see it. If you have never seen the color red, there is no way that anyone could ever tell you what it is until you see it for yourself. Those in the lower levels get upset at those in the third level. They are jealous and insecure mostly, but it can come off as anger and hatred. Unhappy people are very jealous of happy people.
They do everything they can to take a shot and lower that person. When an unhappy person witnesses a happy person, all of the insecurities arise. They start feeling hopeless, sad, jealous and then a lot of the time they displace all of that anxiety into anger and hatred.
Jealousy often appears as anger. It’s seen as weak to be jealous of Paris Hilton, but it’s seen as powerful to be angry at her and call her stupid, annoying or an idiot. Once again the power struggle continues. And get this, because those in the nightmare of the 1st level are the majority, they form a mob mentality.
Us humans are heavily influenced by social pressure. If one person says we should become happy but 50 tell us to come to the bar to have a smoke and a drink, most will go have a smoke and a drink even if it compromises their integrity, health and happiness! And if we see one person with the value of 50 people because they have 50 people who adore them, we see them on TV etc. we will take their word more seriously.
TV, media, parents, talk shows, peers all unconsciously aim to keep you in the first two levels.
The world doesn’t like people in control of themselves. If you are a master, then who will buy the Cosmos? Who will buy the $22 billion worth of makeup every year to mask those insecurities (raw foods is the greatest cosmetics in the entire world)? Who would Dr. Phil sell his books to?
It’s sad, but the world operates on our weaknesses, powerlessness and faults. The world is like a vampire: it THRIVES sucking the willpower out of people.
But this is not the truth of who we are. We are only hypnotized by the world. The world suggests to us that makeup will make us feel more confident and so we sell our self-power for it. All you need to do is drill down a little deeper than you’re used to and you will find that the river of power, the river of love, the river of joy is still flowing. It is always there. To get to that level 3 takes patience, love and relaxation. And there’s no rush. You can’t force yourself to get there; all you can do is allow it to happen.
All you can do is prepare the ground and throw the seeds where they need to be. You can’t force a plant to grow. All you can do is make sure that the plant is in the best environment it can be in.
Relationships take patience. When we force them, we become stressed and angry and of course we unleash that onto the other. Then the other begins building resentment and so on. Relationships take patience. Out of the patience comes relaxation, comes acceptance, comes love. Then we are exactly where we want to be…. In a relationship that is loving.
How about that!
It’s either fear or love, baby.
I’ve seen a few “chick flicks” in my day, and while they’re good hearted, they tend to be filled with unnecessary drama… to the content of many women.
One movie, which had a particularly interesting piece of information in it was The Wedding Date, in which the guy in the movie (a high-class hooker) says in an interview with a journalist “Every woman has the exact love life she wants.” I’m not a fan of marriage, but this quote is right on ball.
What exactly does this mean?
It means that whatever your circumstance your love life faces, you are making the choice for it to be that way.
If things are not going so well, you are choosing to listen to fear and hatred.
If things are going fantastically, you are making the choice to listen to love and happiness. You are owning your own power. But whether you listen to love or fear is not the point, the point is that the decision is your’s to choose.
If you begin to pay particular attention to the circumstances in your love life, you will see that somehow, there was a choice that led you to it. It’s hard to hear, but somebody’s got to say it!
But, many women get themselves wrapped up into a victim mentality. A victim mentality is the opposite of making a choices. A victim believes that all of the choices were made for her, and a victim usually lives her problematic life enjoying it.
Women, unlike men to a large extend, feel guilty for all of their problems. Women feel somehow to blame. But this is not true! You are not guilty, you simply have not taken up the responsibility of your love life yet. And there is a VERY fine line between responsibility | guilt.
Guilt looks to the past and to what cannot be undone. Responsibility looks to the future and to what can be created with what you have available to you right now. And let me tell you that no matter how many times you have failed, there is always room to change right NOW.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but women enjoy their problems! They go out to a bar and have a round of martini’s discussing man troubles. It’s a night out. The victim mentality is everywhere and it’s always being shown to you. It’s on TV, soap operas, movies, the theater, your mom.
People are rewarded for being victims and losing at life, being pushed around by the seas rather than grabbing life by the balls and making their own choices about how they want to live.
There is great fear that once she make the choice to live by her freewill, she will no longer feel valued by others.
A woman who takes responsibility for creating her own love life has the love life she has always wanted. Checkout this blog post to learn how to get more in touch with this.
When she lives by choice, validation drops away and instead of the validation once received from others, they become jealous. Most women have crappy love lives and they want you to live it right there with them. We are all selfish and want what’s best for us.
It’s like this: 10% of people grab life by the balls and the other 90% are jealous of them, and the jealousy is disguised in disrespect, anger, insults, rudeness.
But dropping the validation of jealous wannabes for the magnificence of love and happiness is more than a fair trade off 😉
You are no one’s slave: you are a free being. This is simple truth. Even when you decide that you are a victim, still it is a choice to become a victim.
The very first thing to achieving the love life you want is to take responsibility. Nothing can come if that does not come first. Only haphazard events will come, and then you will be 40 in the blink of an eye and all of those haphazard events will cease. Then you will have to take responsibility! There will be no other choice!
A victim never gets the love life she want. A victim is always a half-hearted event. It can never be full of heart, because even she knows that she’s making the choice to fool herself.
It means that your life is your own responsibility and no chromosome, no friend and TV drama show is going to hold you back from making your own choices, and because of that, you are given tremendous power. You no longer have to stand by and watch things happen to you. You have the choice to make things happen for you.
You have the power to make your love life the way that you want it. I would not say it if I hadn’t experienced it myself.
You hold all of the marbles for your own love life. It starts with choosing to be a victim or to grab life by the balls.