Most women today need a man to initiate her love life with her.
A woman will wait sometimes for a long time… many years for a man to initiate her love life with her.
She will sit and wait just like a gazelle on the African savanna. She waits in the vicinity of a bull lion. Then she does an interesting thing: she runs away wanting to be chased by the man who, just like a lion, sees he is hungry for gazelle meat.
The woman wants to feel like prey to the man.
She wants to feel hunted, like something desirable to a big, powerful carnivore.
Thing is, she feels inferior, afraid and for that reason takes no risks. Thousands of years of oppression will do that to a woman! She decides to wait for things to come to her, not out of some great cause, but out of the fear of embarrassment and rejection. She fears her social status being destroyed.
She sits, waiting to be attacked by the man because the man’s desire for her gives her validation and takes away all responsibility from her hands. She would sooner slot herself into the prey role than risk embarrassment and disapproval.
Then, when the man tosses her away, when she is rejected, she needs to feel valuable again.
She wants to be desired again, and she knows no other way of doing that than by putting herself in range of attack. When he is walking away, she can’t very well make him chase her by being passive.
Now the gazelle is shaking her hind quarters in the lion’s face.She gets emotional at that point and thinks illogically. The woman “I need to do anything I can to put myself in his sights again.” She becomes desperate. It’s her unconscious instinct developed by millions of years of evolution.
I can even do this with my cat. She’ll play coy with me, but then I roughhouse her a bit, grab her by the scruff of the neck treating her as prey, as game to be hunted, and then I will toss her aside (gently of course).
When I toss her away she literally comes running back to me and will sit in my lap waiting for me to do something.
This is why a persistent man is attractive to a woman. It serves to make her feel validated. A persistent man is both confident because he cares for his own opinion more than what she thinks and also makes her feel valued.But there is a darkness… this need for validation, this need to be hunted.This need for validation doesn’t hurt anybody but the woman. She begins to depend on it for her sense of self.
She unconsciously puts herself into the #2 slot of the relationship. She takes her own power away from herself.
You’ve seen when a woman decides she no longer wants to be prey and takes action. It’s an awkward event! When she has pushed the man away too far and he’s too far to raise her hind quarters in the face of the lion, she decides to take action. Because she has no experience taking the leap, it comes out awkwardly.
When we pent up energy for too long and it finally comes out, it comes out like a piss we have held in for too long; it’s relieving but uncomfortable.
In the movie The Family Stone, Sarah Jessica Parker’s character is an extremely uptight business woman. One night she finally decides to relax, and goes to a bar. At the bar, she lets loose, but that energy had been pent up for so long that as she was letting loose, she is freakish! Wild screams, moans, legs flying every which way, make outs. She wasn’t used to the energy and there was a lot of it to come out.
This predator/prey game is destructive. It is destructive because it is focused on her love life.A woman has no problem initiating drama, anger, guilt, shame. These things she is used to from the world of female competition and social status.
But, when it comes to LOVE, this is when she gives up her power. Why? Around the most crucial, fascinating, joyous part of life, she cuts herself off?
She is terrified of becoming vulnerable. She feels guilty to claim it on her own and less guilty and more powerful for it coming to her on its own accord.
Then, she gets into a relationship with this person and wonder why she cannot love him. So much focus was on validation that there was no entry for love.
With validation, love is not possible. With love, validation becomes unnecessary. It’s the same as having 5k diamond earrings. What would you do if you were offered 1k to replace them? It goes without saying it would be out of the question.
The focus on validation cuts us off to love. Love needs a free flowing openness in you, like a house with all of the windows wide open. Validation is rigid, stiff, necrotic. Validation is a boarded up house only opening the door to welcomed guests. The air gets stale, hot, dirty, dusty and uncomfortable. The only comfort is when someone greets you at the door, and who knows when that will be.
Validation is a bottomless pit. You need more and more and more to keep it satisfied like a drug addiction.
Love is an overflowing well.With love, there is contentment. With validation there is always restlessness. There is always a self-inflicted struggle, a self-inflicted gunshot.
With guilt, shame, anger and drama there is no vulnerability to worry about. These things are the opposite of vulnerability. There is just hardness, like the cracked ground of a dried up desert riverbed. That’s why these things are easier to initiate.
Love takes a leap of faith and a let go of power struggle. Love takes vulnerability and there is no other way. When approaching love, all of the fears of becoming a stalker will come rushing up. The fears of being rejected will come up. The fear of doing something stupid, being embarrassed will come up.
What I say is being prey will not help you become happy. Being prey will make a woman miserable. The power will always be stripped away from her hands.
I say to become fearless, the fearless woman that lingers inside you right at this moment and seize your ability to make the things you want happen.
Live with fearless love, not possessive love. Possessive love will turn you into prey. While possessive, you will alway be making sure that he is two steps behind you chasing and this is utter insanity.
Love should be fearless. There is no reason to be embarrassed for desiring love. Love allows us to love anyone for whatever they have done, even if they are 5 thousand miles across a continent, that does not matter. It is giving instead of taking.Giving is a selfish event, because the more love a person gives, the more they have. You cannot give love without receiving it.
Dropping predator/prey is hard because it is comfortable. The known is comfortable, but you end up completely miserable. What good is the love if you cannot enjoy it? Seizing your own power, begin to grab life by the balls will cause absolute magic to occur.
I’ve seen a few chick flicks in my day, and while they’re good hearted, they tend to be filled with unnecessary drama. 😉
One movie, which had a particularly interesting piece of information in it was The Wedding Date, in which the guy in the movie (a high-class hooker) says in an interview with a journalist “Every woman has the exact love life she wants.” I’m not a fan of marriage, but this quote is right on ball.
What exactly does this mean?
It means that whatever your circumstance your love life faces, you are making the choice for it to be that way.
If things are not going so well, you are choosing to listen to fear and hatred.
If things are going fantastically, you are making the choice to listen to love and happiness. You are owning your own power. But whether you listen to love or fear is not the point, the point is that the decision is your’s to choose.
If you begin to pay particular attention to the circumstances in your love life, you will see that somehow, there was a choice that led you to it. It’s hard to hear, but somebody’s got to say it!
But, many women get themselves wrapped up into a victim mentality. A victim mentality is the opposite of making a choices. A victim believes that all of the choices were made for her, and a victim usually lives her problematic life enjoying it.
Women, unlike men to a large extend, feel guilty for all of their problems. Women feel somehow to blame. But this is not true! You are not guilty, you simply have not taken up the responsibility of your love life yet. And there is a VERY fine line between responsibility | guilt.
Guilt looks to the past and to what cannot be undone. Responsibility looks to the future and to what can be created with what you have available to you right now. And let me tell you that no matter how many times you have failed, there is always room to change right NOW.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but women enjoy their problems! They go out to a bar and have a round of martini’s discussing man troubles. It’s a night out. The victim mentality is everywhere and it’s always being shown to you. It’s on TV, soap operas, movies, the theater, your mom.
People are rewarded for being victims and losing at life, being pushed around by the seas rather than grabbing life by the balls and making their own choices about how they want to live.
There is great fear that once she make the choice to live by her freewill, she will no longer feel valued by others.
A woman who takes responsibility for creating her own love life has the love life she has always wanted. Checkout this blog post to learn how to get more in touch with this.
When she lives by choice, validation drops away and instead of the validation once received from others, they become jealous. Most women have crappy love lives and they want you to live it right there with them. We are all selfish and want what’s best for us.
It’s like this: 10% of people grab life by the balls and the other 90% are jealous of them, and the jealousy is disguised in disrespect, anger, insults, rudeness.
But dropping the validation of jealous wannabes for the magnificence of love and happiness is more than a fair trade off 😉
You are no one’s slave: you are a free being. This is simple truth. Even when you decide that you are a victim, still it is a choice to become a victim.
The very first thing to achieving the love life you want is to take responsibility. Nothing can come if that does not come first. Only haphazard events will come, and then you will be 40 in the blink of an eye and all of those haphazard events will cease. Then you will have to take responsibility! There will be no other choice!
A victim never gets the love life she want. A victim is always a half-hearted event. It can never be full of heart, because even she knows that she’s making the choice to fool herself.
It means that your life is your own responsibility and no chromosome, no friend and TV drama show is going to hold you back from making your own choices, and because of that, you are given tremendous power. You no longer have to stand by and watch things happen to you. You have the choice to make things happen for you.
You have the power to make your love life the way that you want it. I would not say it if I hadn’t experienced it myself.
You hold all of the marbles for your own love life. It starts with choosing to be a victim or to grab life by the balls.