Emotions in relationships can be blinding, especially when fear comes up….fear about him cheating, thinking about other women, being angry at you or even leaving and never finding love in your life.
But here's the thing.
Fear is one of the most blinding emotions there are, because it “rationalizes” all of the reasons why you should be afraid.
This is why I (and many of my relationship expert friends) say to be careful of which emotions you decide to believe are true.
What do I mean by “decide to believe”?
If you feel a feeling of fear, for instance, it makes “logical sense” to believe that the feeling is justified and right because of all the reasons that show it's rights…when in reality it's actually not.
Here's what I mean.
Many women I coach are afraid of their boyfriend leaving.
They become so afraid that they become paralyzed and do NOTHING to help the situation. They are so consumed with the fear they can hardly breathe.
Instead, they make things WORSE by getting emotional with men, frustrated with him and begging him not to leave.
I know that's a hard to admit, but we've all done it.
All of these things tell a man that a woman is not “girlfriend material” and actually make him want to leave.
It's hard to believe, but if this point isn't accepted you'll continue to make men see you as not attractive and “forgettable”…even though he isn't doing his share (which we'll talk about later).
The point is fear makes you act wrongly with men.
Your fear says that the worst case scenario is happening when in fact it's NOT…and it's even possible that just the opposite is happening.
Carl Jung, famed social psychologist, tells of a story of a poor old man who discovered something MAGICAL while beginning to plow his farm for the start of the season, and destroys his only tool the plow.
This old man had less in his bank account than Britney Spears….
He was dirt poor, his wife and children had just left him for another man and all he had was his farm, an ox and an old plow.
He had started plowing his field for the start of the season when almost immediately his plow hit a large immovable object in the ground and immediately broke his plow in two.
He couldn't believe it. It was all he had!
He became afraid and so angry. “What am I going to do now…I have nothing left…You lied to me god! Why?!” He started crying and began thinking of suicide, when he thought…
“What did my plow hit anyway?”
He walked over to the spot his broken-in-two plow struck and curiously saw a big shiny golden ring sticking up halfway out of the ground.
He thought “This is strange…”
He began digging the strange ring up out of the ground, but it was attached to something much larger stuck deeper in the ground.
He spent an hour digging and heaved it up out of the ground. And when he pulled it up, it was a giant, heavy wooden chest.
When he cracked it open he COULDN'T BELIEVE what he saw. A chest filled the brim with gold doubloons , diamonds the size of fists, emeralds and rubies.
Where was the fear now?
In his greatest defeat was his greatest triumph.
That's to say that fear BLINDS. In your greatest fear is a great treasure if you know what to look for and how to see it.
Here's the next thing that's going to be a little harder for me to explain to you.
Another emotions that wouldn't suspect so easily to blind you is love.
Love is one of the most profound things on this earth (if not the most), but if you're not careful love can blind you in much the same way that fear does.
Because love can overwhelm your judgment if you're not careful.
That's why I always say to women who come to me that a woman MUST have some sort of meditation she practices if she's to have any hope of having a decent relationship. She needs to own her own willpower and just do it.
I have more than 20 different meditation I show women who come to me for coaching or try one of my products.
If you don't have one, you can be RULED by your emotions and become “asleep” to what's really happening in your love life.
The feminine world can be a scary place! I've never been there myself (thank god…), but I've seen what happens many times with my own two eyes.
It's so scary and chaotic that not even women seem to know what women want…
But the point is what do you think this blind view does to her love life, her relationship?Instead of a bonfire burning to keep her warm, her emotions turn into a wildfire burning every tree, animal and sign of life.
The feminine world has great power to be chaotic in a relationship, but it has all the power to bring life to it.
Here's the “secret”.
If you become what I call “yin feminine”, your emotions become attractive to men and cause men to want to bring love to your love life.
When you're balanced “yin” (and it's not hard to get there with the right information at hand), your emotions are attractive to men, and cause men to move towards you…and even want to be a better man for you.
Sometimes it's unreal how one little change can cause such a shift in love. But a fire can either keep you alive or kill you.
If you want to learn how to better balance your emotions and learn how you're emotions can actually be used to make you more attractive to a man, I highly recommend you signing up for my free “Confessions Of A Relationship Expert” eLetter.
You can do that right here:
Click Here For Brandon’s “Confessions Of A Relationship Expert” eLetter
Thanks for listening to my psychobabble hocus-pocus and I'll talk to you again soon. 🙂
With balance and love,
NOTE: You can find part 2 of this post at History of the Sexual World, Part Deux!
What I'm going to show you today is going to be very in depth, so if you're not prepared to get your brain fried today you might want to skip over this post.
Most men and women don't have a clue as to why they live in the relationship circumstances that they do… I'm talking about things like jealousy, cheating, anger at men, anger at women etc.
All of this stuff wasn't as prevailant as it was just a few decades ago.
What has changed?
To understand the relationship and dating world of today, you must know where it came from.. Yes, there are reasons that deal with specifically you and your partner, but there's also a very important historical reason.
Let's get this first point straight away: Men have been dominant over women since the dawn of mankind.
Yes it's terrible, but it's a fact you must accept.
Women have always been subservient to men, and in many respects still are today.
And the fact is that out of THAT, everything in our current dating ==> relationship ==> marriage structure has been built around.
Man has always had a sick desire to own and control women.
In the middle east women STILL wear veils over their faces to show they are owned by a man, in the west, women wear a nice giant diamond ring.
It's similar to luring a bear into a trap by sitting jars on top of jars of honey over a leaf covered pit. 😀
So, finally after CENTURIES of being miss treatment, brutalized and burned at the stake for witchcraft, women got their payback.
The first women's movement came rolling along and gave women more power, rights and privilege than they had ever known before.
But this wasn't that impactful on the state of relationships.
The first women's movement had more to do with BASIC human rights.
It wasn't until the 60's and 70's and the second wave feminist movement that things started changing in a DRASTIC way.
This was the SEXUAL revolution and many women were tired of being housewives.
Women started becoming the sexual equal to men.
They no longer wanted to get married at 19 years old and they started enjoying promiscuous sex.
And what did this do to men?
They FREAKED out.
They either tried to go with it, freaked out or clung on for DEAR LIFE to their old traditions. Men had it a certain way for so long that they didn't even know how to keep it that way.
It was unconscious.
It just “was”. Now, women were free… and PISSED at men.
Even if it wasn't conscious, the majority of the second wave feminist movement was fueled with revenge.
You can still see some of those front-liners today with their grown out beards, undyed hair, armpit bushes and jungle-like unshaven legs.
These women were pissed off and finally their time had arrived.
Look, there are 3 phases that relationships have historically gone through.
1. Macho Jerk/Housewife Phase: This is dominance that we just went through and the stage that men during the sexual revolution wanted to hold onto
2. Equals Phase: This is the point we just got to – the second wave feminist movement where women gained equality with men.
So women finally became equal to men and started getting a breath of fresh air.
They moved into the work force, starting going to school in greater number and even started serving in the armed forces.
Things were finally getting set on the “right track”… or were they?
As the next 30 years rolled along from the 70's to now, women as a collective hit a debuoyancy point.
“Debuoyancy” is a term used in free diving when you dive so deep that the water over you becomes so heavy that you no longer float back up to the surface like normal.
The weight of the water starts pushing you down.
It's just like when you're a kid and you can swim in a pool as deep as you want because you know you can come back up pretty easily.
Women were floating along free, enjoying their new found freedom to dive as deeply as they wanted now… but they didn't expect there to be a point where they would not be able to come back up so easily to where they used to be… they would have to fight that terrific pressure all on their own.
The pressure was that of the state of the relationship culture.
From the time relationship when on from phase 1 to phase 2, relationships lost all polarity and structure and stunk. Men were no longer acting like MEN, and women were no longer feeling like a woman.
It was almost as if the roles had reversed in an unnatural process.
So, if you ever feel feelings come up that you don't feel as much like a woman as you want, take a look at this.
Men and women were MEANT to be polar opposites with each other, positive and negative, yin and yang.
The polarity is what cause the magnetic attraction with you and a man.
But now it was positive and POSITIVE.
You know how when you try to force two of those little round magnets together… if you put them on one side they cling together and the opposite they want to push away from each other.
Well, what happened with relationships is women flipped over to + just like men and when you try to push two of the same charges together, they want to PUSH AWAY.
The third phase is:
3. Heart Conscious Polarity Phase: When both men and women consciously choose the polarity of the first phase with the consideration of the second phase and the love of this third phase.
Thing is, love is a very rare thing.
Everyone always talks about love, all of the schools and churches talk about love; everyone talks about love.
But, if there was as much love in the world as we go on blathering about, the world would have turned out to be a much different place.
Fear and anger wouldn't be there and suffering would be a thing of illusion, but this is not so.
Fear, hatred and suffering wait for you right around every turn.
The whole HISTORY of men and women has anger and fear in every nook and cranny.
It's one of the biggest reasons why you have faced so many problems with men – fear and hatred.
Fear is the complete opposite of love and hatred is love flipped upside down. If love were there, there would have been no need for the feminist movement.
Love is the cure for the diseased climate of our relationship world.
But as you've probably found, it's quite easy to fall out of love.
He does just one thing to trip over your trust and all of a sudden the love is now deep anger.
But look, where I want you to be at the third phase. This is the most POWERFUL phase and where everything I teach you is geared to get you to.
You are looking for some MASCULINITY in your man today… and he is looking for love, where as before women were looking for love and men were looking for a “real woman”… which is a really bizarre thing!
The second phase helped give you two a taste of empathy for each other… IF you have the eyes to see it.
Thing is love very easily can turn to hate, and no one has every properly taught you what love is and what to do with it.
Instead hatred is encouraged in wholesale amounts.
It's almost like men are supposed to hate women and women are supposed to hate men… it's insane.
It's EASY to love when you're younger right?
But as you grow up with everyone around you telling you to get a job, a career, your friends teach you to trick and manipulate men, you're starved of love from the very beginning with cold parents… you become more and more corrupted by the world and lose touch with that innocence… and innocence is definitely NOT a bad thing believe it or not.
Love is one of the most innocent and pure things. Doesn't that just make sense?
It's more of a process of dropping all of the garbage around it. The garbage is something that both the power hungry men and the hairy feminists have been living and breeding in.
All of this has accumulated to give you the present circumstances of the sexual world and why you are dealing with the exact problems you are.
The thing is, you have individual choice to make your love life the way you WANT.
Now that you have a taste in your mouth of the history, you can start making the choices a lot more easily.
p.s. you can find part 2 of this post here.
So many think hate is the opposite of love. In fact it’s not hate. Hate is love flipped over on it’s head. Really, when you hate something, deep underneath it all, there is a love for it.
An example: I hear many people say that they HATE drama. I see it EVERYWHERE. If you ask me, their “hate” is a load of crap. 😉 Have you ever noticed how it’s those people that seem to take drama with them wherever they go? They actually really enjoy it; they have an unconscious love for it.
Pick out any three things that you hate about the opposite sex, a lover perhaps and somehow you’ll find that you like it in someway. You love to hate it.
Now fear is a different story. Fear is the true opposite of love. When you fear something, there is no possibility of loving it because fear is the absence of love.
Love is like heat. There is a source of heat, and there is no such thing as “cold”. There is no source of coldness. There is only a lack of heat. There is only heat, cold is what happens when heat goes away.
Love is exactly the same way. There is only love and fear is what happens when love goes away.
Think of anytime that you have been afraid and you’ll find you were not loving. Think of anytime that you were deeply in love and you’ll find that you weren’t afraid of anything. When you’re in love, you are completely fearless. Love makes one feel as if they could take on the entire world.
The important thing to recognize is you can only play with love, not fear. Fear is an illusion of what happens when the heat leaves. All fear is useful for is to show you that you are lacking in love, and to become aware of it.
The second that awareness happens, the fear leaves. Your awareness brings heat into the picture and warms the room once again. The awareness brings upon what is real and what truly exists, like love. Remember that fear doesn’t exist, it is only what happens when the fire has gone out and it becomes cold in the room.
This knowing is one of the most basic fundamentals of the underpinnings of relationships. When fear happens: fear of being left, fear of being cheated on, fear of x, y and z, just as fear is absence, the relationship will become absent is the fear is allowed to continue without awareness.
Fear is the greatest destroyer of relationships. It’s because fear is the opposite of what relationships are all about: love anyone?
Women fall in love with a man deeply and then a tremendous fear arises in them. I see it all the time. Of course then they are no longer in love. They’ve lost it and now they’re living in tremendous fear. Fear that propels them to do foolish and stupid things.
Then what do they do? They go out and cheat, play games, play aloof and do everything they can to be inauthentic. Then that vacuum of fear sucks all of the energy in the relationship bone dry. crazy.
Fear has to be forgotten about, and the focus has to come back on love… Love!
Love is what happens when a person begins to accept herself exactly the way she is: no need for improvement. Love happens when a person understands that there is nothing to worry about at all, and she can feel comfortable just relaxing… just relaxing. Not plaguing her mind with useless activities, but just relaxing, and letting all of the tension fall out of the back and shoulders… simply trusting that everything will work out just the way they suppose to.
I’ve done some thinking on self-improvement and I’ve come to this understanding: self-improvement is a waste of energy because it is the wrong path. You want to improve upon your existing circumstances, but you don’t realize that everything you’re trying to achieve will come from inside of you anyway. There is no improvements to be made. Everything you will ever want and need is already there.
When I say self improvement, I say anything of a goal. Anything that takes you away from this moment of joy and love and relaxation.
When the struggle to be a certain something ends, you can begin to relax and find the treasures inside. That’s where everything you could possibly want and draw from exists.
When there is relaxation, an acceptance of who they are just the way they are and their awareness begins to bring them to some heat, love floods the body. Fear is gone, relaxation happens and your energy begins to accumulate.
Ask yourself, would you rather be in relationship where you can just relax and have retained energy, or one where there is always fear and energy always dispersed and divided?
It’s as simple as bringing the energy, bringing the focus back to love.