Dating Tips vs. Authenticity

Dating tips, games and tricks boil down to these things: being aloof, playing hard to get, acting like you have a life, not acting needy, demonstrating value.

Fact is this: these things work. They definitely work with many, many people.

The second you throw out a lure of aloofness, people jump at the chance to bite.

The deeper you go into these tips and tactics, the more one finds they are filled to the brim with fear, weakness and manipulation.

Tricks and games are for the weak and manipulative. This is essential to understand.

Only out of weakness, fear and neediness can the need for these tricks arise, and everyone is interested in teaching you the tricks! If you take a look to the right of this page, 1/2 of the sponsored links want you to use one trick or another. And interestingly, they know that you want them.

But these tricks make the real situation as to why you would consider using them bigger, but now there is a beautiful decor around it. Ironic.

What needs to be looked at is this fear, this weakness that drives one to need and want the tactics in the first place.

It's that same fear that sends a person into a rut in the first place. It all comes from the same energy. You feel inferior and weak, so you look for help and find other things along the same lines as that fear that help cover up and shroud the fear. Then that fear leads to manipulation, weakness and no sense of confidence.

The string of logic gets so logical that there becomes endless hallway with an exit sign getting further away as you walk towards it. Logically you want to go towards the exit, but all you need to do is turn around.

The point of acting non-needy, acting aloof, playing hard to get is to copy someone who actually has these traits. These tricks have been discovered by observing people who are actually not needy. Then they see how the guy responds to a non-needy chick and think “That's amazing! I'm going to act like that and I'll start getting more success in my love life!” Then they take it and run. They begin to act non-needy towards guys, and lo and behold, they find it works wonders.

But there's a big problem. People can only lie so long before: they become angry, depressed, repressed, attract things they don't want, and attract situations they weren't ready for.

If you lie that you are millionaire but only have pennies in the bank account what will happen when you are asked to invest $5.1 million into a large company? You have thrown yourself into a situation you are not ready for. There's no way you can do it! And because you keep up the lie, you panic, stress, get depressed until the truth reveals itself.

When you act aloof to get a guy, you are bringing a situation into your life which you are not in resonance with. There is not a natural harmony.

Then, stress arises, anger arises, and anxiety arises. You breakout and don't know why, you start getting crows feet. Women worry so much and one of the reasons for it is because they are always trying to be somebody for other people.

It happens everywhere. People pretend to be something they are not. If ever I find myself in a situation that stresses me so, maybe even strikes fear into the heart, I remember to come back to authenticity, become aware and wake up. Then whatever happens is the way it is suppose to happen.

Authenticity is one of the few things that we come into the world with. Then as we adjust more and more to the world, we start realizing we can sell our authenticity. It can be sold for tantalizing things: like a new house, more friends and, oh yeah a lover. We start selling it away like we are an auctioneer selling to the highest bidder.

You want the lover, the friends, the career but it seems easier to trick somebody into thinking you are something you're not rather than actually going to the core of you.

Revealing the core of you makes you vulnerable, hence there is a great desire to keep up the lies and keep the vulnerability sealed away. It's similar to taking a rotted out wall with termites, holes and infestation and painting over it with a bucket of pink paint it to cover it up. It's easier to paint over it rather than to rebuild the wall. You end up putting so many layers of paint on you forget about the wall underneath rotting away. Then one day you pull back the paint to find the entire wall has rotted away… and maggots and termites are the only thing left.

But you are different from a wall. A wall rots away, but you cannot. In fact, the more you reveal yourself, the more you grow, the more you flourish. The more lies build up over you, the more burdened you become. You decay on the inside. Your inner being likes to see the light of day. It thrives that way.

Otherwise, you lose your authenticity, you lose your window of happiness and you continue to worry. You worry about keeping up your image and you worry about all of the circumstances you weren't ready for.

Love is desired, but what's the use if it can't be enjoyed? Love is received to this faulty persona, not to the real you, and you never feel like you are truly loved until you are truly authentic.

When authenticity blooms that feeling of “they only love my image, they can't love the real me because look how hollow I am” becomes “They really do love me for me”.

It's a “from the inside out” job. The more the inside is allowed to come out and play, the more one becomes intoxicated with one's self. Be selfish because love is selfish! Be an open narcissist for once!

Then we allow ourselves to enjoy that which all of the pretending and bullshitting was all about: love.

The depths of your human soul right there inside of you is pure power, pure love, and it is completely non-needy and absolutely free.  Right there inside of you right now!  It sits there waiting to be released, like a dormant volcano.  You have so much strength in your very soul that you have the entire universe on your side.

I have a raw foodist teacher friend David Wolfe who says it takes 75,000 lifetimes to take step into a yoga studio. I'll say it again: 75,000 lifetimes.  Just by you sitting here reading this, who knows how many lifetimes where talking about here.  Sitting here… I mean we're talking about mastering love and sexuality for god sakes!

These things are at the highest of values.

No doubt the cream of the crop.

Releasing that inner flourishing will make every and all dating tips look like a joke.

With honor,

Brandon

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