by Brandon
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Many women have to deal with aggressive guys who hit on them often and won't stop.
Sometimes you try to tell these guys your very best without hurting their feelings that you're not interested, they're not your type, but they STILL persist. They think they're being “persistent” and attractive but you know that they're never going to get anywhere.
And it's especially annoying when you are in a relationship already and you're content with your boyfriend.
Approaching and meeting new people/asking them out on a date shouldn't be anything to be embarrassed about and it should be as simple as walking a dog or riding a bike. It's just another thing.
But the problem is that it DOES get embarrassing. It's embarrassing when a guy comes up to you you're not interested in and you have to shut him down, and it's embarrassing when YOU go up to a guy who you want to go out with who shuts you down.
You feel guilty for standing up for yourself and telling him “No”.
Why?
It's because you know how YOU feel when you are shut down: not very good.
Then you project your feelings.
Don't be embarrassed for a guy you have to shut down and don't feel guilty about it. If he feels bad about it, that's his business not yours. His feeling bad isn't about you, it's about his own stuff that he has to work on in his own life.
You can't be to blame for his experiences. But you can have COMPASSION for him.
You don't have to shut him down and feel bad and you don't have to shut him down like a cold bitch either.
There is a BETTER way.
When a guy hits on you and you tell him your not interested and he still persists to your dismay, you have to stop all of the energy between you two and tell him very DIRECTLY you are not interested, much in the same way you would talk to him about mathematics.
Just speak matter-of-factly without judgment against him and without feeling guilty for his hurt feelings.
He says “I'm Joe. Good to meet you! Love the music! …Do you want to go out sometime?”
You say “Hey Joe. I want to be open and honest with you up front. I am not interested in you sexually and it's not about you, it's about what I want. Do you still want to talk?”
Done.
This will usually stop things from going on from there but you might have to rinse and repeat a few times so he really GETS the message.
If he asks you questions like “What do I not have?” or “What are you looking for in a guy?” be careful about how you answer him.
He's tying to suck you into his world and if you cooperate by answering him, you are subtly agreeing with him that he should continue his endeavor with you.
You say “Your just not my type”. Cut that conversation thread short.
Don't say this word for word, but it's just to give you an idea.
If you're worried about a guy getting really aggressive with you and “raping” you or something else, as long as you treat the situation without any judgment of him for just simply wanting love and you can even look at him in the face with a smile after it's all said and done without fear, this is unlikely to happen.
It's all about unconditional love, and the sexual world is in desperate need of it.
Some of the things I see when I go out to Hollywood… these women treat sexuality like it's a commodity. They do it at ridiculous levels. It's INSANE to me.
You can tell these girls think that love means intercourse.
*sigh*
It has become a commodity, but it is not. Sexuality is sacred and man and woman must treat each other as human beings, not things to get angry at like a broken down car…. humans.
Alrighty, I'll talk to you again in a few days.
With honor and love,
Brandon
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