Your article is very good. It raises a question in me though: You spoke of setting a man free. It is nesessary for free flowing of love. Where do sexual relationships come in? What if you live for today, a man is facinated with you, he sleeps with you and becomes distant…you dont want to posses him or ask to commit but you also don’t want to be used for sex, you want a relationship, how to make a man understand that you are not possesing him but you are interested in a relationship, but the man sees it as commitment request. Its not. Perhaps you could write about this subject. Its on my mind alot. Thank you
The first thing you need to know is you're not alone.
Many women have an agonizing fear about being used for sex.
Often times it's easy to get caught up in the belief that a man will hopefully eventually like her more and commit…the problem is they do it in the worst way possible.
When a woman does this, men usually end up pulling away from her and becomes more and more distant, emotionally “untouchable” and then that fear that he's never going to commit creeps up in full force…and that's when you go into emotional overdrive and freaking the hell out…and that's usually about the time he leaves for good.
Often times women will have sex with a man and immediately afterward already feel him pulling away.
Most women fear being used sexually from the very start, even before any sex happens.
She suspects every man to be the same “I like him, but I know and I'm afraid I'm getting myself into a trap because he's going to throw me away once he's had his fun just like the other guys. So, I'm going to play hard to get so that he feels like he has earned me and will respect me.” Why does this happen?It's almost as if he's afraid.
There are a MANY reasons, but one of the most important is that many men fear women becoming needy and trying to “nest” him.
It's a stupid irrational fear of his merely based on his previous encounters and what he's seen happen with his friends or on TV, but if you don't know how to address it, it can ruin any chance you have of “bagging” him.
Yes, a big fear among men is that a woman will become needy and clingy…but the fact remains that in many cases, she does become needy, whether she wants to admit it or not.It's really hard on the ego to admit to yourself you're doing it.
We hear everywhere that we're not “supposed to be needy”, it looks bad for our reputation, status, etc.
Here's the problem.
One of the underlying problems of your situations is that you're subtly using sex to get a man to like you.While he's taking advantage of you, you are playing into it.
Many times, a woman's intentions of having sex with a man for the first time are just to get him to like her more…and there's nothing wrong with wanting a man to like you.
But men have an entirely different perspective.
Men enjoy the sex…sometimes A LOT.
Sometimes men enjoy sex so much it's all they can think about.And usually men are a lot more detached emotionally about sex than women.
A woman can easily associate “relationship feelings” with sex with a guy she likes than a man.
Sex after all is the most basic, primal form of love.
And the reason why I say to “allow him to be free” is because this is what he is gets him attracts his interest in a woman the most.
Many men are, well, kind of retarded…and they fear that once he has sex with a girl, she will cling to him from then after.Even if he's right, he's just making a rapid judgment only based from his own past experience excluding you.
So if he's making a judgment on you before anything even happens, you have to change something, and the change comes in the form of freedom.
The simplest way to combat this is to allow him to be free even after an intimate experience like sex.
Don't freak out yet, there's more.
There's a lot of psychology involved what I'm talking about, which I'll explain.
When you allow a man his freedom like he thinks he wants, it allows HIM to WANT you.
Many times, we try to FORCE someone to like us instead of just allowing them to like us.
We feel insecure and feel that we have to control the situation, but usually this doesn't help, and in the case of men, they can smell this insecurity and it turns them off like a light bulb. That's what I talk about in my free report “The Love Potion Spell Book” (you gotta take a ready through it if you haven't yet – just type in your name and email in the upper left corner).
There's a lot of basic knowhow in that “spell book” that can solve many of the problems that I'm talking about here.
Then, an interesting transformation happens in his psychology.
He begins thinking almost under his awareness “Woah, I'm not used to this. She isn't like all of the other girls. There's something DIFFERENT about her…”
Now you're engaging his deeper primal desires, of which he has very little control over, and you are keeping things light, interesting and best of all fun.
I've showed many women from all walks of life this, and they all come back to me a say one thing…
When you begin to behave in this way, it's impossible for a man to reject you after having sex with you. You must make the choice to make freedom a priority and demonstrate matter-of-factly that he isn't obliged to you.
And you can't just pretend to do this for it to work. You have to actually do it. Even if the guy has no experience with sex whatsoever, let's say he's a “virgin”…he still has this “whoa” reaction.
But for god sakes please don't fake this.
Many women who don't get what I'm telling them DO fake this “aloofness” to try to arouse his desire by becoming detached on purpose, playing games to get him thinking about her, or to manufacture obsession around her.
But I'm NOT telling you to be aloof… simply because it never works out in the long run.
It always creates subtle splits in the trust that can rarely be repaired (only with the super powered material can this be repaired).
Trust is just like a card castle.
It takes time, relaxation and extreme gentleness to build, but touch one card and the thing collapses exploding cards all over the place.
Would you really want to play games with a man you want to become intimate with?
I didn't think so.
You risk dooming everything from the very start.
Freedom is what I'm talking about, and freedom has a certain, almost magical energy all of its own.
It can be felt without words and without even talking about it.
You can talk with him, cuddle with him, have sex with him all while keeping freedom in the picture and it changes the entire quality of the relationship with him, whether committed or not.
Instead of freaking out about getting him to commit to you, you are able to have fun and be light.
And without you even noticing your chances of getting him to want to commit are going through the roof.
It's just like when I'm interested in a woman.
If I want to call her, I call her anytime I want. I don't have a “3 day rule” or other ridiculous games based from insecurity just to appear not needy.
Nope.I can call anytime because I'm actually not needy. If I want a relationship with her, that's what I say. If she says no, it's OK, because I'm NOT POSSESSING her. I have no attachment to the outcome and I'm just enjoying my time with her right now.
And guess what.
She feels my freedom I'm giving her even if all of my behaviors match up with a “needy person”.
It's because freedom is my ally and love is my weapon. 😛 How cheesy.
Then, of course she'll want to do what I ask. She trusts my energy is safe, and it's a very similar thing with men.
And it's absolutely possible for a woman to adapt the feminine version to this. Just drop the fear that he will pull away. Fear won't help.
There's nothing to be afraid of when you know what you're doing.
Things don't have to be heavy and serious all the time. Why do things have to be so serious? Why worry so much?
That's why it's so important to go inside and heal the scar tissue on the heart. Women who make it a point to relax and take time out of their day to meditate, do yoga, get a massage, treat themselves to a nice bottle of wine for no reason at all… those women don't fail with men.
With honor and love,