The Bad Relationship Experiences Are Just “Tests”
Let me ask you a question.
Have you ever been in a situation with a man where your heart was completely shatter over something that happened between you two?
Maybe he cheated on you…Maybe he left you…Maybe you couldn't be together anymore….Maybe fill in the blank?
Well hopefully, what I'm about to share with you will change your entire perspective on what was actually going on here.
When “bad things” happen in your love life, they are actually good thing.
Incredibly good things are sometimes disguised in negative clothing.But there are two ways to look at bad events:
- As a destroying to yourself and self-esteem
- As a valuable test to learn from
Let's just get this out of the way.
Do you really think it's at all productive to healing your love life to view the situation through number one?
I didn't think so.
The first one is not even based in reality. It's a falsity based on somebody who doesn't take responsibility for their own love life, and since people like us aren't like that, let's just throw that one out the window right now.
Number two gets a woman closer and closer to security, truth and love in a relationship.
Most women will look at a guy who:
- doesn't call her back
- leaves her
- finds her unattractive
- rejects her
- etc. etc.
…from the eyes of number one. And she finds an interesting thing: it gets her NOWHERE. It only destroys a little more of her self-esteem.
A woman that finds success in relationship and in love always sees her love life through number two. There's no other way.
It's easy for many women to go through number one because many women worry constantly about everything…even whether they remember to turn off the toaster before they left for work…but when someone worries, any “testing event” with enormous possibilities for understanding their own love life that comes along will be seen as negative and hurtful. The worrying was there and then the “bad” event just confirms the worrying. Then she goes on worrying into the future because she proved herself right.
“I was worried this would happen! I knew it would happen!”
But this is wrong. The only thing she proved right was that her focus of attention was in the exact wrong place.Let me explain with an example.
A woman has sex with a man and never hears from him again. She begins to get down on herself, feesl rejected and scared it will happen again in the future.
Since now we're focused on viewing bad events as valuable learning lessons to grow from, let me ask you this: What can be learned from a meditative place…not a reactive place?
- Take each day at a time
- let go of neediness
- Trust that everything will work out in the end
- Become more opportunistic and optimistic
- Remember that it's always darkest before the dawn
- Not to give your power away
…Just to name a few off the top of my head.Of course these are all things that need to be developed, and that's exactly why I developed the “Relationship Rockstar” training (more on this later).
Then, there are the specifics of learning WHY this man didn't want to see her again. What did she do to create that situation for herself? Did she hook up with a guy that she KNEW somewhere deep down would do this to her? Was she not vulnerable enough so the guy thought it was just a one time thing? Was she not loving and accepting of herself enough allowing herself to be used? What is there to be learned?
Typically, a worried filled woman would take this situation and begin to condemn herself for it all. “What did I do wrong?” she asks… Instead of “What can I do right?”
Do you see what I mean?
It's about viewing a situation positively rather than negatively…and from my experience viewing even the most horrendous experience through positive eyes pays off way more than the opposite.
There is no reason for self-condemnation…there's only reason for self-exploration.
The important thing about these learnings is they must come from a place of “proaction”, not reaction…from relaxation, not pain.
When I have taught this method to women, they automatically start thinking, “OK, I won't do this, and I won't do that. I'll be more of a bitch. I'll close down more so people think I'm cooler.”
They are shooken up from the event and are reacting. So, the first thing to do is to go relax: get a massage, meditate, take a jog, enjoy the park, enjoy the sun and the cool breeze…whatever it is that takes the tension out of you.
Since I know you are at least trying to be responsible for your love life, sart cutting your actions from what happens to you in life.
Choose your actions, don't let your actions be chosen for you by the circustances.Then, the next thing to do is to see the event as a “test”. It was nothing more than a test to make sure you're on the right path and to make you stronger. What lessons was the test trying to teach or remind you of?
Taking the negative situations as tests take all of the worry out of the situation. Seeing every event that could negatively impact you as a positive one, one that enriches you, one sent to you to give you value will make you a relaxed, grateful person. From this place, less and less of these bad things and more and more good things happen.
It will erases those problems that seem to come up repeatedly and one's life will become more stable, more loving.
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