So you have a controlling boyfriend and you’ve read “Is He Controlling Me?” Signs of a Controlling Boyfriend and now you’re ready to learn how to get him to STOP controlling you.
How do you get a controlling man, so controlling that it boils your insides, to give you as much freedom as you want and STILL give you attention, love and respect?
I’m about to show you a simple 3 step process to help reverse a man’s possessiveness, but KEEP his love and attention… while helping to set him up to be the perfect MAN for you.
The question, how do you get a man to stop being so controlling and domineering?
I’ve helped many women overcome this obstacle with men.
The first thing you must understand is that when a man is possessive, really he is very insecure and distrustful… let’s just say he’s been more “emotionally stable” in other times in his life.
I want you to take all of that anger, frustration and fear that you probably have towards him right now and be more COMPASSIONATE towards him and see things through HIS eyes.
You have every right to be angry and frustrated, but anger is not going give you a perfect relationship.
So, getting this man to stop controlling is like coaxing a wild bucking bull into calming down.
But the more you understand the bull and it’s motivations, the more successful you will be in getting that bull to trust you, respect you, and allow you to be free.
When you’re dealing with insecurity and a lack of trust in a man, you must approach him in a specific way.
So the first thing is…
What most women do when a man becomes controlling is become resent, frustrated, sad, and angry at him for controlling her… and I’m not saying women don’t have every right to be angry.
But the problem is this is the opposite of what will get him to become balanced, trust and respect you and ultimately give you freedom.
Most women don’t RESPECT themselves enough to not put up with a situation like this and will let it drag on for a long period of time.
What works that most women never think of because of the sheer amounts of emotion they are feeling is to love him unconditionally and give HIM his freedom. I know this isn’t what you were probably expecting or want to hear, so let me explain.
When a man is possessive and controlling, it can make a woman pissed off, get upset and bring a lot of pain and confusion to her.
But what happens when a women is in this negative emotional state, instead of a compassionate state, is she can often make themselves a target for being controlled.
Like attracts like, and just as his controlling has brought negative emotional energy out of you, you are at the same time helping him to distrust more and feel more insecure by your negative emotional state.
Because when a woman goes into a negative emotional state in a relationship, her actions mirror that emotional state.
What many women start doing when they are in a controlling situation is first go through a period of sadness and confusion but then get angry and try to make him feel the same things that she is feeling and make him feel hurt or guilty for what he is doing.
Men can be real assholes, especially when they become controlling jerks, but the problem is this simply is the wrong direction to take if you want to heal this situation.
Often times when I’m doing phone coaching sessions, women don’t believe me at first when I say their energy is helping to create the situation.
It’s hard for them to buy.
But their mind changes when I ask them to think about this: If you’re angry at a wild bull and start attacking it, do you think you’re going to calm him down or make him more angry?
Do you see what I mean?
Possessiveness in a man is a very primal reaction when he feels a loss of control.
It’s something men do when they feel insecure about their girlfriend staying loyal in a relationship.
So you must change your energy from anger to something else that will actually motivate him to loosen his grips.
If your energy is in anger, he will only want to control you more and will get more angry.
If instead you do the opposite: stop, take a deep breath, and start looking for solutions instead of reacting emotionally, you will already be halfway home to healing this control issue… and it can be healed easily if you make this your foundation.
And the solution is ultimately to have compassion for his insecurity and self-respect.
If you can start to put your energy into compassion instead of anger, it will make things much easier.
I’ve seen this one simple step change many men instantly.
And if you accept him fully, he will begin to make steps to accept YOU fully and your needs.
This article will show you exactly what you should when telling your boyfriend or husband that you cheated on him or had an affair. This article will also tell you what to avoid doing that will cause the situation to get out of control.
Have you ever gotten with a man you met, maybe you even slept with him, and you thought he was going to be a great boyfriend…but then he said something like “I’m not interested in a relationship right now.”
You didn’t know what to do or exactly how to feel, but you found yourself calling him often and feeling needy… then what you feared most happen: he pulled away from you and cut communication with you, and you never heard from him again?
Why did this happen?
You may not have suspected what caused it, but what caused him to withdraw completely was your unacceptable of him not wanting a relationship.
When he said “I’m not interested in a relationship” you might have reacted negatively and your feeling were hurt.
And I’m guessing that when he felt you feel that fear and resistance, that was the moment he knew for sure you weren’t “girlfriend material”, because men want a girl who can be cool with his needs and desires.
Chances are that same man was with another woman very shortly afterward, but this time he was asking her for a relationship…and it had nothing to do with age, physical attractiveness or even life circumstances.
What did she do that you didn’t?
And what does this have to do with a controlling man?
Because there’s an exact correlation to draw.
Simple fact: the more you resist a man you’re in a relationship with the more he’s going to act negatively towards you. It doesn’t matter if he’s controlling or not…. this is the bottom line.
And remember I’m not saying you don’t have a good reason, but there is no reason in the world good enough to allow you to feel negative and get what you want at the same time, because those negative emotions are going to keep you from getting what you want.
How your feelings affect the control situation is he’s going to feel like you’re slipping out of his grasp and begin making more attempts to control you.
What to do?
I have a solution for you, but it’s going to take a lot of trust on your part to pull off, trust in me, trust in your boyfriend and mostly trust in yourself.
The answer is to go WITH the flow instead of against it. Don’t try to swim upstream because you will only get more exhausted, disheartened and get NOWHERE.
When you are AGAINST something, you often STRENGTHEN it.
For instance, have you ever been in a fight with a man where he was resisting your point of view vehemently, and you were resisting his and the fight elevated?
If one person were to bring compassion and understand into the fight and see it from the other’s perspective, the whole fight would immediately vanish… not only that, but then he would be 100 times more receptive to actually listening to YOUR perspective.
And by going with it, you’re NOT “giving in” to his control.
In fact, once again you’re making another step to prepare the ground for change.
In love, usually if we move in the OPPOSITE direction of what we think will work to actually get what we want.
One of the greatest minds the world has ever seen, Albert Einstein, once said “Any fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius – and a lot of courage – to move in the opposite direction”.
You will be surprised how quickly he will begin to trust you and lets go and starts to become “Mr. Right”.
By the way, this isn’t just a useful perspective for a controlling situation… this is a “holistic” perspective and should be at the foundation of all of your relationship engagements.
Most men control because they subconsciously don’t trust their girlfriends.
So he will try to control you because he doesn’t TRUST you.
Sometimes his mistrust is based on his current relationship but also can have been created from past relationships, or even his mother.
More often it’s a combination of all three of these. One thing most women overlook is to earn his trust.
Yes, it’s that simple!
Most women think that when they get into a relationship with a man, they are entitled to his trust.
I’m not saying you aren’t trustworthy – only you know that for sure – but controlling men need trust.
Instead, many women actually break down the trust more by playing games and being dishonest because they feel afraid or upset at the situation.
Unfortunately this makes the situation far worse.
The thing is, on a subconscious level we KNOW when someones is being dishonest even if consciously we appear to not.
Trust and respect are an unconscious phenomenon. The more a person deceives another, the more that person’s trust will be broken.
If you don’t take active steps to earn and establish trust, he won’t let up. And if he IS being controlling, you haven’t earned his trust and respect enough for him to let you make your own decisions, and you are possibly doing things to AMPLIFY the situation.
How you build respect is by respecting YOURSELF.
Now listen, this isn’t your fault.
He’s grown up under different circumstances than you and has had different experiences with love and relationships. But if you want this relationship and you love him, it’s up to you to make things change, because he’s not going to.
It’s unpredictable to rely on him to change things right now without you getting the ball rolling.
Look, when he starts to trusts and respect you, he WILL let off. Not only will he let off…but he will find it a lot easier to get truly INTIMATE with you rather than holding back like he might be doing right now.
If you follow this basic three step process and use it on a daily basis, you WILL see things start to improve.
I’m not going to get into tips and “techniques” today because they’re probably going to trip you up and get in your way and I want to keep things simple.
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Man and woman are attracted to each other for one simple reason, polarity.
But there in lies a problem. Men and women are attracted to each other because they are opposite energies of each other. But because men and women are opposites, there is bound to be friction between them!
Men and women see the world in completely different ways.
Men are always thinking about the future, goals, plans and ambitions.
Women are thinking about things more tangible, here and now, relationships, people, school drama.Men have a sense of direction, women have no idea which way north is.
Men are more powerful and women are more loving.
A man is not very here and now. A woman sucks him into the now more than anything else. And there is nothing that can give a woman a better sense of purpose and direction in life than a man.
One one hand, polarity brings men and women together, and on the other hand, it is what causes the most friction.
Polarity is very passionate. If you want passion in your relationship, polarity is the first thing to get handled. This is why you can see two lovers fighting 'til dawn one second and then having wild make up sex the next. And they always say their make up sex is the very best!
The fighting and love are on very similar energies. It on the same energy path as a matter of fact. That's why if you fall in love, you are doomed from the very start. The fights will happen. There's no way around it! It's in the very nature of things.
There comes a time when the heat of the love turns sour and becomes anger. Then the couple starts fighting at the drop of a hat. Eventually, they can't stand each other.
The same polarity that brought them together now creates fricition. Men and women are opposites so it's only natural when people see thing in very opposing ways, they fight. Hence you will never see more arguing and fighting than in a relationship.
You would think after thousands of year of being and loving each other, someone, man or woman, would have come to know each other a little better! And yet the strangest thing is men and women live as if they are on two separate planets. They are NOT from two separate planets, but they act like it!
So the question naturally arises “How do I stop the fighting and arguing in a relationship?”
The only way to do so is by beginning to understand your opposite.When the passion of the polarity is turned into compassion, a change happens. His masculine energy begins to heal you rather than insult you.
Women always tell me “He doesn't understand me!” The man sees the feminine energy as insulting when his love goes sour. And the case is not so different in reverse. In fact, that's why the focus of attention is there, because these women are trying to learn how to understand him themselves.
The change comes in the form of meditation. It has to be meditation. There is no other way. Any other form that will ever work will only be a form of meditation. So why not head towards the very source?
Meditation can HEAL your relationship. It heals it because of the compassion and awareness it promotes.
So a word to the wise – *MEDITATE*. 😉
And when I say meditation, I mean meditation on the heart. This is the whole meaning when I say “heart consciousness”. I might as well rename it “How to understand men consciousness”!
Meditation is what builds you a little Venusian space shuttle to head over to Mars, pick up the men and then drive back to earth!
If you don't know where to start, start out by doing some Yoga classes at your local Yoga center.
Then the polarity, instead of becoming sour and full of anger, becomes reborn with love every moment.
The past baggage falls away, the guilt falls away, the blame falls away and all that is left is love and polarity.
Two lovers become like a yin yang, pulling together but buffered with love and compassion for the other.
If you have a meditation you would like to reveal, I would love to hear them. I have a lot of people asking me for different meditations so please post them if you would like to share!
Most women today need a man to initiate her love life with her.
In fact, it has been this way for a very, very long time.
A woman will wait sometimes for a long time… many years for a man to initiate her love life with her.
She will sit and wait just like a gazelle on the African savanna.
She waits in the vicinity of a bull lion.
Then she does an interesting thing: she runs away wanting to be chased by the man who, just like a lion, sees he is hungry for gazelle meat.
Is this starting to sound like a wild animal documentary?
She almost wants to feel like prey to the man.
She wants to feel hunted, like something desirable to a big, powerful carnivore.
Thing is, she feels inferior, afraid and for that reason takes no risks. Thousands of years of oppression will do that to a woman! She decides to wait for things to come to her, not out of some great cause, but out of the fear of embarrassment and rejection. She fears her social status being destroyed.
And many women find that they really don’t have to do much to have options come to them in their lives.
She sits, waiting to be attacked by the man because the man’s desire for her gives her validation and takes the responsibility out of her hands. She would sooner slot herself into the prey role than risk embarrassment and disapproval.
Then, when the man tosses her away, ignores her or doesn’t give her the love or attention she wants, she needs to feel valuable again.
She knows no other way of doing that than by putting herself in range of attack. When he is walking away, she can’t very well make him chase her by being passive.
Now the gazelle is shaking her hind quarters in the lion’s face. She gets emotional at that point and thinks illogically. She thinks “I need to do anything I can to put myself in his sights again.” She becomes desperate. It’s her unconscious instinct developed by millions of years of evolution.
I can even do this with my cat. She’ll play coy with me, but then I roughhouse her a bit, grab her by the scruff of the neck treating her as prey to be hunted, and then I will toss her aside (gently of course).
When I toss her away she literally comes running back to me and will sit in my lap waiting for me to do something.
In fact, if I do this enough times, my cat will slowly, slowly inch its way back onto my lap over a period of minutes. Soon enough I look down and I see my cat on my lap without even realizing it!
This is why a persistent man is attractive to a woman. It serves to make her feel validated. A persistent man is both confident because he cares for his own opinion more than what she thinks and also makes her feel valued.But there is a darkness… this need for validation, this need to be hunted.This need for validation doesn’t hurt anybody but the woman. She begins to depend on it for her sense of self.
She unconsciously puts herself into the number two slot of the relationship. She takes her own power away from herself.
You’ve seen when a woman decides she no longer wants to be prey and takes action. It’s an awkward event! When she has pushed the man away too far and he’s too far to raise her hind quarters in the face of the lion, she decides to take action. Because she has no experience taking the leap, it comes out awkwardly.
When we pent up energy for too long and it finally comes out, it comes out like a piss we have held in for too long; it’s relieving but uncomfortable.
In the movie The Family Stone, Sarah Jessica Parker’s character is an uptight business woman. One night she finally decides to relax, and goes to a bar. At the bar, she lets loose, but that energy had been pent up for so long that as she was letting loose, she was freakish! Wild screams, moans, legs flying every which way, make outs. She wasn’t used to the energy and there was a lot of it to come out.
This predator/prey game is destructive. It is destructive because it is focused on her love life.A woman has no problem initiating drama, anger, guilt, shame. These things she is used to from the world of female competition and social status.
But, when it comes to LOVE, this is when she gives up her power. Why? Around the most crucial, fascinating, joyous part of life, she cuts herself off?
She is terrified of becoming vulnerable. She feels guilty to claim it on her own and less guilty and more powerful for it coming to her on its own accord.
Then, she gets into a relationship with this person and wonder why she cannot love him. So much focus was on validation that there was no entry for love.
With validation, love is not possible. With love, validation becomes unnecessary. It’s the same as having 5k diamond earrings. What would you do if you were offered 1k to replace them? It goes without saying it would be out of the question.
Love needs a free flowing openness in you, like a house with all of the windows wide open.
Validation is rigid, stiff, necrotic. Validation is a boarded up house only opening the door to welcomed guests. The air gets stale, hot, dirty, dusty and uncomfortable. The only comfort is when someone greets you at the door, and who knows when that will be.
Validation is a bottomless pit. You need more and more and more to keep it satisfied like a drug addiction.
Love is an overflowing well.With love, there is contentment. With validation there is always restlessness. There is always a self-inflicted struggle, a self-inflicted gunshot.
With guilt, shame, anger and drama there is no vulnerability to worry about. These things are the opposite of vulnerability. There is just hardness, like the cracked ground of a dried up desert riverbed. That’s why these things are easier to initiate.
Love takes a leap of faith and a let go of power struggle. Love takes vulnerability and there is no other way. When approaching love, all of the fears of becoming a stalker will come rushing up. The fears of being rejected will come up. The fear of doing something stupid, being embarrassed will come up.
What I say is being prey will not help you become happy. Being prey will make a woman miserable. The power will always be stripped away from her hands.
I say to become fearless, the fearless woman that lingers inside you right at this moment and seize your ability to make the things you want happen.
Live with fearless love, not possessive love. Possessive love will turn you into prey. While possessive, you will alway be making sure that he is two steps behind you chasing and this is utter insanity.
Love should be fearless. There is no reason to be embarrassed for desiring love. Love allows us to love anyone for whatever they have done, even if they are 5 thousand miles across a continent, that does not matter. It is giving instead of taking.Giving is a selfish event, because the more love a person gives, the more they have. You cannot give love without receiving it.
Dropping predator/prey is hard because it is comfortable. The known is comfortable, but you end up completely miserable. What good is the love if you cannot enjoy it? Seizing your own power, begin to grab life by the balls will cause absolute magic to occur.
NOTE: If you haven’t read the first History of the Sexual World, Part 1 , read it before reading this one.
I’m about to “crack the code” of the love and relationship climate we all live in today.
In the previous post, we learned that we’re living in what I call the Phase Two Equals.
This phase is the most important of all to understand because it’s the situation we live in right now.
In fact, I don’t even want to call it the “equals” phase anymore.
It needs a more suitable name… like The Revenge Phase.
Yeah I like!
It needs to be called the “Revenge Phase” because if you haven’t noticed, there is a HUGE rivalry between the sexes today.
It seems like a playful rivalry, but once you get into a long term relationship, 3 years down the line those playful shots at him become REALITIES and vice versa.
Thing is, most people live in FEAR rather than love.
Remember, if everybody loved as much as they say they did, if parents loved their children and friends truly loved their friends, this world would be a completely different place.
But instead, we live under HEAPS of fear.
If you go to the bottom of even everyday interactions, almost all of them are based in fear.
Have you ever gone out to a clothing store and saw somebody you knew, but you didn’t want to talk to them so you dove into the bra section?
Yeah I thought so. 🙂
So, it’s only natural that once women began to come out of centuries of oppression from men, they wanted revenge.
When we are afraid, we like to attack.
When countries are afraid of each other, they start building more bombs.
When people are afraid of each other, they start rumors and insight fights.
(If you don’t understand what I mean when I say “love and fear”, you can check out my post Love and Fear).
I mean I would have done the same!
Often times, fear breeds more fear. The feminist movement of the 60’s and 70’s was based on hate and fear as contradictory as it may seem.
Otherwise, what need is there to revolt?
If it was fueled with loved, there would have been no marches, rallies or protesting. You would have been at home sipping tea, feeling fine!
Women were breaking away from what they were used to. When we are freed of a certain circumstance that we fear, there’s a tendency to swing to the opposite polarity. The same way butch women are butch because they fear their femininity.
Swinging to the opposite creates new issues.
In the American Revolution, when the time came to choose a type of government, they swung to the opposite of a monarch. They wanted NO central government, and now we are presented with NEW issues.
The pendulum hasn’t yet become at rest.
We live in a relationship era where polarity is seldom found. Most women live in fear and many men feel dominated by women sexually.
Tons and tons of men have “mommy syndrome”. The men of today’s mommies wanted to make damn sure that their boys wouldn’t be the abusive jerks that they were dating and ended up leaving them.
Women as a collective are living a very peculiar life today. They have more sexual power over men than they have ever had, yet they have never been more afraid of men in history.
It happens all the time when I go and talk to a woman, from the second I say “Hi”, she feels the fear serge up through her bones. I can visibly see it happening! Her voice shakes, she stutters, her eyes dart around, head tilts down… in other words, she gets pretty weird. She’s not used to feeling so out of control with a man other than with daddy when she was a wee one. She feels no trust in herself, and because she can’t trust herself, she doesn’t trust anybody else. She knows it’s polarity that she wants, but she is terrified.
She is in a very subtle, subconscious state of revenge against men that carried over from Mommy and Mommy’s mommy. The revenge holds her back more than she could ever realize.
Most women fear men. She is simply lost. Women haven’t grown much because of this fear and revenge. It seems that way, but really it’s just that men have become submissive and women feel a lot more powerful over them now. Men are pacified. It’s the same as winning the Olympics if you are normal and healthy at the Special Olympics.
Men are also affected by the revenge. That’s why many times men are either idiotic macho football jackasses or submissive and weak. It’s even more funny to me that so many women settle for the football jack asses just because it’s closer to what they want. It’s no wonder why so many women are obsessed with chick flicks and romantic comedies.
If you’re a woman and think this isn’t you, unless you were raised in very unique circumstances, like raised by Native American shamans in a tree house in the Amazonian jungle, there’s a 99% chance this is deeply embedded into your psyche.
Put simply, the current relationship atmosphere is doused in fear.
But I’m telling you that when a well balanced, strong, confident, attractive and in touch with his feminine side man comes along, most women are too afraid to ever be able to handle him. It’s simply that fear that ruins everything. The fear alone ruins it. The women who are most successful with me personally are the ones with little to lose and much to gain.
High vibing men respond to love. This is why I stress so much HEART CONSCIOUSNESS. Heart consciousness erases the fear, gives power and then when a man like this comes along, the fear that ruined everything before is simply gone. MEDITATION. I don’t care when, what, why or even how you meditate. Meditation could be smelling and picking the roses to you, I don’t care, just as long as the heart begins to bloom open.
Fear is just a notice that says “Love is not here. I am empty and love is needed to fill me up.” Then when love comes, when the heart bursts opens, the fear goes away and successes start occurring. Life starts having a storyline to it, like in a movie. It’s pretty trippy! And until a person experiences it, they won’t know it.
It has to be understood that fear is just an indication that love is missing. It is nothing more than the “check engine” light in a car HUD.
Thing is, you ARE free. You are not obligated to anyone, and because you are free you have absolute power in determining your own reality. All of these “musts” and “have to’s” are self-imposed obligations. No one is forcing them upon us except for us. And when that realization happens, they drop away and life becomes more about love rather than paying the bills. And because we hold the responsibility, we can just let it go. Just let it go and freaking relax for once. It’s more like an allowing to leave. We just allow the tensions, obsessions and obligations to leave.
Once all of this tension leaves on it’s own, without forcing anything to happen, we become enabled to make real choices. It’s like an “On” switch turns on in the brain. Choices with inspiration and love behind them instead of tension and anxiety…What a concept!
Once we are relaxed, love is that much more present. Love bubbles up out of relaxation.
This is what leads us into the kind of relationships that we have always wanted, the kind of love lives, you know, full of love, growth, awareness, respect. This “inside a boyfriend’s mind tricks” BS won’t get you there. 😉
Haha, alright that’s all for now,
p.s. If you haven’t already signed up for my heart centered dating/relationship tips newsletter, type your first name and email up in that box with the tree and the “Free Report”.
NOTE: You can find part 2 of this post at History of the Sexual World, Part Deux!
What I’m going to show you today is going to be very in depth, so if you’re not prepared to get your brain fried today you might want to skip over this post.
Most men and women don’t have a clue as to why they live in the relationship circumstances that they do… I’m talking about things like jealousy, cheating, anger at men, anger at women etc.
All of this stuff wasn’t as prevalent as it was just a few decades ago.
What has changed?
To understand the relationship and dating world of today, you must know where it came from.. Yes, there are reasons that deal with specifically you and your partner, but there’s also a very important historical reason.
Let’s get this first point straight away: Men have been dominant over women since the dawn of mankind.
Yes it’s terrible, but it’s a fact you must accept.
Women have always been subservient to men, and in many respects still are today.
And the fact is that out of THAT, everything in our current dating ==> relationship ==> marriage structure has been built around.
Man has always had a sick desire to own and control women.
In the middle east women STILL wear veils over their faces to show they are owned by a man, in the west, women wear a nice giant diamond ring.
It’s similar to luring a bear into a trap by sitting jars on top of jars of honey over a leaf covered pit. 😀
So, finally after CENTURIES of being miss treatment, brutalized and burned at the stake for witchcraft, women got their payback.
The first women’s movement came rolling along and gave women more power, rights and privilege than they had ever known before.
But this wasn’t that impactful on the state of relationships.
The first women’s movement had more to do with BASIC human rights.
It wasn’t until the 60’s and 70’s and the second wave feminist movement that things started changing in a DRASTIC way.
This was the SEXUAL revolution and many women were tired of being housewives.
Women started becoming the sexual equal to men.
They no longer wanted to get married at 19 years old and they started enjoying promiscuous sex.
And what did this do to men?
They freaked out.
They either tried to go with it, freaked out or clung on for DEAR LIFE to their old traditions. Men had it a certain way for so long that they didn’t even know how to keep it that way.
It was unconscious.
It just “was”. Now, women were free… and PISSED at men.
Even if it wasn’t conscious, the majority of the second wave feminist movement was fueled with revenge.
You can still see some of those front-liners today with their grown out beards, undyed hair, armpit bushes and jungle-like unshaven legs.
These women were pissed off and finally their time had arrived.
Look, there are 3 phases that relationships have historically gone through.
1. Macho Jerk/Housewife Phase: This is dominance that we just went through and the stage that men during the sexual revolution wanted to hold onto.
2. Equals Phase: This is the point we just got to – the second wave feminist movement where women gained equality with men.
So women finally became equal to men and started getting a breath of fresh air.
They moved into the work force, starting going to school in greater number and even started serving in the armed forces.
Things were finally getting set on the “right track”… or were they?
As the next 30 years rolled along from the 70’s to now, women as a collective hit a debuoyancy point.
“Debuoyancy” is a term used in free diving when you dive so deep that the water over you becomes so heavy that you no longer float back up to the surface like normal.
The weight of the water starts pushing you down.
It’s just like when you’re a kid and you can swim in a pool as deep as you want because you know you can come back up pretty easily.
Women were floating along free, enjoying their new found freedom to dive as deeply as they wanted now… but they didn’t expect there to be a point where they would not be able to come back up so easily to where they used to be… they would have to fight that terrific pressure all on their own.
The pressure was that of the state of the relationship culture.
From the time relationship when on from phase 1 to phase 2, relationships lost all polarity and structure and stunk. Men were no longer acting like MEN, and women were no longer feeling like a woman.
It was almost as if the roles had reversed in an unnatural process.
So, if you ever feel feelings come up that you don’t feel as much like a woman as you want, take a look at this.
Men and women were MEANT to be polar opposites with each other, positive and negative, yin and yang.
The polarity is what cause the magnetic attraction with you and a man.
But now it was positive and POSITIVE.
You know how when you try to force two of those little round magnets together… if you put them on one side they cling together and the opposite they want to push away from each other.
Well, what happened with relationships is women flipped over to + just like men and when you try to push two of the same charges together, they want to PUSH AWAY.
The third phase is:
3. Heart Conscious Polarity Phase: When both men and women consciously choose the polarity of the first phase with the consideration of the second phase and the love of this third phase.
Thing is, love is a very rare thing.
Everyone always talks about love, all of the schools and churches talk about love; everyone talks about love.
But, if there was as much love in the world as we go on blathering about, the world would have turned out to be a much different place.
Fear and anger wouldn’t be there and suffering would be a thing of illusion, but this is not so.
Fear, hatred and suffering wait for you right around every turn.
The whole HISTORY of men and women has anger and fear in every nook and cranny.
It’s one of the biggest reasons why you have faced so many problems with men – fear and hatred.
Fear is the complete opposite of love and hatred is love flipped upside down. If love were there, there would have been no need for the feminist movement.
Love is the cure for the diseased climate of our relationship world.
But as you’ve probably found, it’s quite easy to fall out of love.
He does just one thing to trip over your trust and all of a sudden the love is now deep anger.
But look, where I want you to be at the third phase. This is the most POWERFUL phase and where everything I teach you is geared to get you to.
You are looking for some MASCULINITY in your man today… and he is looking for love, where as before women were looking for love and men were looking for a “real woman”… which is a really bizarre thing!
The second phase helped give you two a taste of empathy for each other… IF you have the eyes to see it.
Thing is love very easily can turn to hate, and no one has every properly taught you what love is and what to do with it.
Instead hatred is encouraged in wholesale amounts.
It’s almost like men are supposed to hate women and women are supposed to hate men… it’s insane.
It’s EASY to love when you’re younger right?
But as you grow up with everyone around you telling you to get a job, a career, your friends teach you to trick and manipulate men, you’re starved of love from the very beginning with cold parents… you become more and more corrupted by the world and lose touch with that innocence… and innocence is definitely NOT a bad thing believe it or not.
Love is one of the most innocent and pure things. Doesn’t that just make sense?
It’s more of a process of dropping all of the garbage around it. The garbage is something that both the power hungry men and the hairy feminists have been living and breeding in.
All of this has accumulated to give you the present circumstances of the sexual world and why you are dealing with the exact problems you are.
The thing is, you have individual choice to make your love life the way you WANT.
Now that you have a taste in your mouth of the history, you can start making the choices a lot more easily.
p.s. you can find part 2 of this post here.
A relationship is one of the most illogical things. There is nothing wrong with this, in fact, this is one of the many things that make a relationship absolutely beautiful.
The problem comes when a person attempts to make a relationship something logical, something with reason.
Relationships, love, happiness, relaxation are all beyond the edge of reason. You will never know them by staying in what is familiar, staying in what you know and have taken apart and figured out like a Lego set. To be in a relationship, and to actually be happy in it, you have to let go of any kind of logic you are holding onto. You must through away the Lego directions and build whatever it is that is coming from within you.
Here’s a logic that many women are familiar with: “I feel like I need to be doing something right now, and if I don’t I shouldn’t be able to relax. I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve to relax.” How ever illogical this sounds, it has a very fundamental logic to it. The logic being if she doesn’t do, if she’s inactive at any moment and not stressed to the brim, she is undeserving… but this is a complete irony! Because she does and feels compelled to be stressed, this is why she feels undeserving.
And this logic stems to even more of this kind. It begins to grow like a giant weed in a beautiful garden. Then it’s “I cannot love this person because I am too angry and unhappy” then to “I hate this person because they have wronged me”. The chain can continue to grow like this.
When you trap your love life into the realm of logic, this happens. Just how logic is a dead thing, the relationship becomes a dead thing. Finding love becomes a dead thing, mechanical. Love, the life force of a relationship wilts, dries up and turns to dust. You then find yourself bored and tired and struggling against those feelings of trying or becoming stressed to make this thing work.
To be in love with a lover, and especially yourself (which is most important), you have to forget any kind of reason for anything. There is no reason to feel happy. There isn’t a reason to be in love. Love and happiness are completely without any logic and are completely against it. When the logic goes out the window, then a very interesting thing takes place: one begins to relax finally.
It’s no wonder why science, society and every other logical entity is completely against it. It’s no wonder why our logical society is so devoid of love. That is very important to understand. It’s because love and happiness are of the most fundamental states of our being. It’s no wonder why everyone wants to be happy. They want to feel natural again, the way they did when they were 4 years old playing in a sandbox, escavating for buried treasure for absolutely no reason at all.
You can’t do anything to be happy, in fact it’s quite the opposite. The way to become happy, in love is to stop doing… to become relaxed. Relaxation is when you stop doing. You quit thinking, you give up your obsession of wanting to be perfect, you give up your need for approval from others, you let go of anything and everything your work stresses you about and you simply relax. This is the doorway to happiness.
By letting go, by relaxing, there’s a tendency for a fear to arise: “once I relax, things are going to go south.” You’ll be relaxed and things will begin to go wrong everywhere because you aren’t on edge to see what is going on. The blood vessels in your eyes aren’t bulgy, achy and red enough to watch for danger at every moment anymore. “If I let go, what will my life become?”
This is just another thing to be let go of. The logic has been running the show for so long that it has taken control of your entire being, like a virus. Logic is just a part of you, one that should be kept in its place.
You will see that as you begin to not do, you will begin to accumulate energy. You’re tanks will be filled and instead of running around on empty all of the time, trying to fill up at every moment only to waste what you had by taking the energy to fill up again. You will have a FULL tank.
And because you are full, you bring that same energy into your relationship.
Look, if you still think that relationships have anything to do with the other person, relationships are 80% you and 20% the other. As much as we want to believe that there’s someone out there that can solve our problems, it’s really us, and there will be many layers to go through. You will peel through one layer and then another will come up.
The trick is to just look at it as it does. No reason to do anything, just look at it as if you were looking at a bonfire burning away at night on a calm beach. Look at is as if you were looking at waves crashing as they came into shore. No need to put any effort into the layers that come up, you get more accomplished through not doing anything about it than if you were to try to do something. You don’t peel the layers off, the layers peel themselves off.
If we choose to live only in the logical world, that of rules, your job, streets, time grid, everything around you that can be measured, we will suck the life force out of ourselves, out of our relationships and we will live without love in the heart. We will be living out of harmony with our illogical nature and will continue to carry around a feeling of powerlessness.
If we learn to accept the illogical world, we let go of the need to do and just pull back and do nothing. Then a great beauty sweeps over us without any trying, without any doing. Without even wanting it, it just happens.