When it comes to dating, understanding how men think can feel like trying to “crack a code” (luckily I have the code).
But it doesn’t have to be a mystery. Beneath the surface of what most women see, many men want a meaningful connection, respect, and trust, just like you.
Sure, they don’t always show it, but the right woman brings the best out in them.
Let’s dive into the psychology of what men are looking for in dating—and how you can understand what’s going on in their minds.
1. Men Are Driven by Respect & Appreciation
For many men, respect is at the heart of of their core desires in a relationship.
They feel valued when they sense their partner genuinely respects who they are, not just what they provide or how big their biceps are.
The difference may sound subtle, but it’s vital. A man wants to feel that you appreciate his efforts and trust his intentions. It’s not just about thanking him when he does something thoughtful; it’s showing that you value his leadership and trust his ability to “handle things”.
This is where so many women go wrong.
Now, I’m saying blindly agreeing with everything—he wants a partner, not a fan. But when he feels genuinely respected, he’ll go above and beyond to keep you happy.
What You Can Do: Show that you recognize his efforts, be it with his career, his hobbies, or even the small ways he shows he cares. Avoid language that belittles or challenges his sense of capability, and he’ll feel understood and connected to you on a deeper level.
2. Men Seek Emotional Safety, Even If They Don’t Always Show It
Men are often seen as emotionally reserved by women, but that doesn’t mean they don’t feel things deeply.
Many guys are cautious about expressing vulnerability because they fear judgment or rejection. We’ve been raised in a culture that rewards looking cool and confident and any cost, so they often approach emotions more carefully. However, when they find a partner who makes them feel emotionally safe, men open up in ways that can surprise even themselves.
What You Can Do: Create a safe space by being patient and compassionate. Let him know that you value authenticity over perfection and that he doesn’t have to be “strong” all the time. The more he trusts that you won’t judge him for showing his softer side, the closer he’ll feel to you.
3. Men Are Looking for Playfulness & Joy
One of the most charming qualities you can bring to a relationship is being a goon.
Men are often drawn to women who can let go, laugh easily, and enjoy life. For many men, dating can feel like a break from life’s pressures, so they look for partners who add light heart energy and warmth.
Playfulness doesn’t mean being childish—there is a big difference between childish and childlike energy—it’s about sharing fun, being spontaneous, and not taking everything too seriously.
Psychologically speaking, this is incredibly power when dating men.
This keeps things fresh and brings out the best in both of you.
What You Can Do: Don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself, make jokes, and be a little spontaneous. Initiate fun activities and show him you’re there to enjoy life together. A little playfulness can go a long way in making him feel like he’s with someone who truly understands him.
4. Men Are Drawn to Women Who Are Genuine & Relaxed
When men are choosing a partner, they find relaxed energy incredibly attractive.
It’s about how you carry yourself, how you speak, and how you live your life. Men respect women who know who do not feel the need to show they are “tough”. Genuine relaxation is about self-acceptance, showing that you’re comfortable in your own skin, and being unapologetically yourself.
Obviously this is easier said than done. Telling someone to relax when they’re house is on fire is a bit crazy.
But there are ways to do this that I’ll get to in a second.
What You Can Do: Focus on being authentic rather than trying to fit any preconceived notion of what you think he wants. Show him the real you, quirks and all (the more the better), and you’ll be that much more magnetic.
5. Men Want to Feel That You’re a Team
Most men want a partner who’s “all in” with them—a partner they can tackle life’s challenges with, not someone who’s just along for the ride. Men appreciate when they feel like you’re equally invested, willing to compromise, and open to being a partner in every sense. A relationship feels more fulfilling to a man when he knows you’re both committed to the same goals and working as a team.
What You Can Do: Communicate openly about your relationship goals and be clear about the kind of partnership you want to build. Show him you’re in this together, and he’ll start to see you as someone he wants to build a future with.
6. Men Value Loyalty & Honesty
Loyalty is another core value for most men in relationships. When he feels that you have his back, trust him, and show that you’re committed to him no matter what, it reassures him deeply.
You might be thinking “Well why would I do that if I’m not married to him?”
Well, the dating process is basically a preview of marriage. If you’re only willing to give full commitment to him after he’s given it to you, he’ll never see the MOST attractive sides of you, you see?
Because seeing that a woman is loyal is often the catalyst that causes men to propose and ask for marriage.
Men are looking for a partner who’s supportive, stands by them, and is honest, even when the truth might be hard to say. This kind of loyalty builds trust and creates a bond that makes him feel secure and committed.
What You Can Do: Be upfront about your feelings and consistent in your actions. If there’s a concern, address it openly but respectfully. This transparency shows him that you’re not just in it for now—you’re there for the long run.
Understanding what men want comes down to these essentials: respect, emotional safety, partnership, and a lot of fun and authenticity along the way.
When you get past the surface, men are looking for connection, trust, and someone who sees them as they truly are. If you focus on creating a strong foundation of respect, honesty, and companionship, you’ll find that men are far more open and devoted than they might initially let on.
Be sure to get onto my exclusive Dating and Relationship Tips for Women eLetter down bellow, and if you want to take things to the next level, download my eBook “Become His Goddess” and get started absorbing all of my best secrets about how to get the most love, affection and commitment from men possible.
