In today’s dating culture, labeling a guy a “narcissist” has become surprisingly common.
When things aren’t going well in a relationship or when a guy isn’t meeting your expectations, it’s easy to turn to friends for support.
But here’s the twist: your single friends may not always have the best perspective on your relationship, especially if they’ve had their own struggles with men.
Sometimes, it’s not about him being a narcissist, but rather about the dynamics in the relationship itself—and yes, sometimes the issue might stem from behaviors on both sides.
What Is a Narcissist, Really?
The term “narcissist” has become a go-to label for anyone who doesn’t seem fully invested or reluctant to commit.
True narcissism, though, goes beyond just being self-centered.
Narcissistic personality disorder is a serious condition! It’s where someone has an inflated sense of self-importance, a need for excessive admiration, and a lack of empathy for others.
Now I know you’re probably thinking “but that does sounds like him!” but hear me out.
In reality, most people aren’t narcissists—they’re simply imperfect, as we all are.
The label has become so overused that now, whenever a man doesn’t meet certain expectations, the “narcissist” accusation quickly follows.
How Single Friends Can Influence Your Perception
When things aren’t going well in a relationship, friends become our confidantes.
But single friends—especially those who may have been hurt themselves—can sometimes interpret his behavior through a negative lens.
They are afraid of you getting taken advantage of.
Their intentions are well-meaning; they want to protect you, but they may be pushing you toward a conclusion that isn’t accurate.
If they’ve dealt with men who were genuinely selfish or unreliable, they might be projecting those experiences onto your relationship.
And guess who has the pay the bill for their sincere, but sincerely wrong advice? You.
Suddenly, every small miscommunication or unmet expectation turns into “classic narcissistic behavior,” even when the reality is likely far more complex.
What You Might Be Doing to Create Distance
The real issue here is that you’re not having your needs met.
While it’s tempting to attribute any problems to him, sometimes our own actions can contribute to why someone is not giving us the love and attention we want.
Here are some behaviors that might be worth examining:
- Constantly Pushing for More
If you’re frequently expressing dissatisfaction, needing more attention, or pushing him to commit before he’s ready, it can make him feel pressured. No one enjoys feeling like they’re failing their partner or under constant scrutiny, and it can create emotional distance. - Seeking Validation from Others Over Him
Turning to friends for constant advice or validation can signal that you don’t fully trust your own instincts—or him. I once dated a girl who always turned to her friends when she wasn’t happy with me. She wouldn’t communicate with me what was going on! Then I’d get phone calls from her friends attacking me for the ‘bad things’ I was doing to her! If he senses your friends’ opinions carry more weight than his, he may pull back feeling he’s always under third-party scrutiny. - Assuming the Worst in His Actions
If you’re quick to assume that he’s acting selfishly or insensitively, it can lead to a cycle of misunderstanding. Rather than jumping to conclusions, it might help to give him the benefit of the doubt, or better yet, communicate openly about how you’re feeling. - Withholding Appreciation and Positive Reinforcement
Men respond well to encouragement and appreciation. If you’re primarily focused on what he’s not doing, it’s easy to overlook the things he is doing right. Acknowledging his efforts—even small ones—can shift the dynamic from one of frustration to one of mutual appreciation. - Focusing on Long-Term Goals Over the Present Connection
Talking a lot about the future—moving in, marriage, kids—can feel overwhelming, especially early on. If he feels that the relationship is becoming more about meeting life goals than building a real connection, he might pull back.
If you want to get a better idea of what men look for as far as “red flags” and how to avoid them, go here.
How to Get Clarity on the “Situation”
If you’re wondering whether he’s truly self-centered or if there’s something else going on, here are some steps to help you gain perspective:
- Evaluate Based on His Actions, Not Your Friends’ Opinions
Notice how he treats you without the influence of others’ opinions. Is he kind, considerate, and caring most of the time? Remember, all relationships have ups and downs, and occasional disagreements don’t mean he’s a narcissist. - Check In With Yourself Honestly
Reflect on whether you might be contributing to any misunderstandings. Are you being clear about your own needs, or are you expecting him to read your mind? Are you showing appreciation as much as you express concerns? - Communicate Openly
Before jumping to conclusions, bring up any concerns in a calm, non-accusatory way. See how he responds when you express your needs or worries. A partner who genuinely cares will make an effort to understand and meet you halfway. - Limit External Influence for a While
While friends can be great sources of support, sometimes their advice can cloud your own intuition. Try focusing on your relationship without constant external feedback and see how that feels.
Final Thoughts: Trusting Your Own Gut Over the Noise
Look, I get it—relationships with men can feel like a minefield sometimes.
And when things aren’t going as smoothly as you’d like, it’s easy to start questioning everything.
But here’s the real deal: not every guy who doesn’t meet your every expectation is a narcissist!
Sometimes, it’s about understanding how we each contribute to the “vibe” of the relationship, and finding ways to connect in a way that works.
Trust your instincts. Tune out the background noise from well-meaning friends for a bit, and focus on what’s actually happening between you and him.
Show some appreciation, communicate what you need, and see where it goes when it’s just you two figuring it out.
If you’re looking for more insights, you’ve got to jump on my free “Dating Tips Secrets for Women” newsletter. It’s right at the bottom of this page, and I promise it’s full of no-BS advice you won’t want to miss.
And if you’re ready to level up in love, my bestselling eBook, Become His Goddess, is where the real magic’s at. Inside, I share the secrets most people won’t tell you—secrets that’ll help you feel confident, connect deeper, and build the kind of relationship you deserve.
