3 Signs To Know Without Doubt A Man Is Controlling Or Manipulating You…And What To Do About It
Let's start off with a quote:
“Out of freedom you have come to me, so out of freedom you should be able to go. And, if you want to remain with me, out of freedom you should remain with me.”
We all know most relationships start out with a bang…and later end up getting filled with past emotional baggage, guilt and general distrust, especially when a man becomes emotionally unavailable and you feel you have no say with him.
It's irritating, frustrating and very painful… especially when he's being a jerk.
When we feel insecure in a relationship we feel this overwhelming need to control the situation, and that's a perfectly natural instinct.
I'd like you to do something.
Read the quote at the top again…
Here's an important thing to look at.
When you read the quote, think about whether your first instinct is to think about your lover or yourself .
Thing is, most women get confused as to whether their boyfriend is controlling or whether he's in control… and there is a big difference.
You like to know that he's “da man”, because without polarity, the relationship would fall apart into arguing, distance and lovelessness.
But I bet you're not sure if he's in control or controlling.
So that's why I'm going to show you without confusion what the difference is between the two, how to identify a controlling boyfriend and what to do about it.
They can look similar, but there's a big difference.
Polarity: He's in control
Control: He is controlling
(NOTE: If you don't understand what I mean by “polarity”, you need to checkout this Blog Post now).
There is a BIG difference between “in control” and “being controlling”.
The difference is that one is based in high self-esteem and the other is low self-esteem.
Here are some signs of a controlling boyfriend:
1. Guilt Provoking Attitude
When a man is controlling you, guilt is his first tool of choice.
People are used to using and reacting to guilt in this guilt tripping world.
When we feel guilty, we respond like a fish on a hook.
It WORKS…especially when you're emotions are not as “up to par” as they could be.
2. Discourages You From Growing
One of the purposes for relationships is growth, self discovery, heightening awareness, love.
In a control
ling situation, these things will be discouraged or not even present.
It's called “tall poppy syndrome” and it will come into play and every time you grow a little bit… you will be chopped back down to size.
3. He Feels Out Of Control, And It's Obvious
When people feel out of control what is the first thing they need to do?
They need to get control back.
But when a person is out of control, they are desperate for control… rather than just having it a person who feels out of control and has low self-esteem will reach for the controls desperately rather than someone who doesn't need it.
The moral of the story?
When something is gripped too tightly, it squeezes out of the finest nook.
When something is allowed to breath, when it is given room it flourishes.
The beginning quote is the quintessential lesson to be learned to get a healthy, loving, happy relationship.
It reestablishes the TRUST, which is desperately lacking in most relationships.
A great relationship has one lover who is in control, not controlling.
This kicks up the polarity and security of the relationship.
A lover who is in control (usually the “yang” masculine) will encourage growth, freedom, security… and of course love.
Some think the answer is to “even out the playing field” and create an “equal” situation.
This won't solve the situation…it actually creates a whole OTHER set of problems, starting with the carving of a tombstone for Passion.
The point I'm trying to make is he should be in control but not controlling.
Polarity is essential. Take it away and you take away one of the legs that the relationship is standing on.
Are you ready for the twisted part?
The thing about being controlled is that there is pleasure in this pain.
Here's the thing, the feminine enjoys masculinity, and when polarity and being controlling cuts too close, you start enjoying it.
It validates you that someone WANTS you!
And I am not here to see that these parts of you go untouched.
I want to see these issues HEALED and done with.
But the only reason you kind of like this is because you have never been taught HOW to have a HEALTHY, PASSIONATE LONG LASTING RELATIONSHIP.
And yes, there definitely is a way and I want to show it to you.
So the question is, how do you get him to stop controlling you and get him to start making steps to want to make the relationship not just good, but GREAT?
How do you get him to look at you with PASSION and not only want to hold you in him arms to protect, but let you free when you really need it?
That'll be a topic for another time. 😉
Keep your eyes peeled for that Blog Post and until next time…